Having a bad day

Hi to all my lovely friends,

I know we don't post as much now, but I think of you frequently. My tummy finally settled down last Tuesday or Wednesday. Don't know what it was. I know I've got to start eating better, and have been making a concerted effort to do that. 

I still miss Mum and Alan as much as ever, but in a different way now. The realisation they're not coming back is now firmly in my brain. I talk to them both, and try and remember the good times. My brothers finally sold Mum's car last week. Very final. She wasn't materialistic but her car was something special to her. Oh the hundreds of thousands of miles she'd done in it, some with me as a passenger, on one of our road trips when I was there. I think it's the free-est I've ever felt! Stopping when & where we wanted, eating the same. Just enjoying each others company, which we had done so little of for too many years. Making up for lost time I guess.

Every time I try to watch the bike racing on TV all I can think about is all the racing Alan & I attended over the years together, and that still makes me very sad. So in the end I don't watch it. Maisiemae, I won't be going to Brands Hatch n October after all. I had to get new glasses, and as I wear varifocals they weren't cheap. I'll see how I feel next season. 

I have decided however, that I need to do things outside of my home. So I'm going to enrol in a couple of courses. Keep Fit and Drawing. I used to enjoy sketching and still have all my pencils etc.

Bobles & Elenium, I hope MILs aren't causing you unnecessary pain and anguish. So difficult.

Jenny, how are you and your Dear Dad? 

Yantibee, I guess you're probably still on your travels. I hope you're enjoying the experience.

I send Hugs to each and every one of you

Keeps trying My Friends

Sue xx

Hi sue and all of our "family" on here, I agree with you Sue, I miss Jill terribly but it's different now especially after a holiday without her, I know she is gone and it's firmly in my head now. The loneliness is cruel , I hate it I honestly do I am really struggling with the empty house and been in it on my own , I guess I just need to toughen up but it's not that simple is it? 

Miss my boys too, text and talk daily but it's not the same, this new way of life ain't fitting me that well 

Holiday on a lighter note was lovely and maybe my feelings tonight are magnified as I have spent 11 days with people as part of their family holiday. Cruise was fun, saw some beautiful places , ate some beautiful food (too much!! Put on 9lbs) would I cruse again? Maybe yes it's certainly a different holiday 

Was glad to get home to see my Jill's smiling face on the photos in the house and every night on the trip there was that one bright star above the ship....I know she was there which was nice. 

Been reading the posts and still think of you all daily , hope you are all as well as possible and your situations are as bearable as can be 

A viral hug to you all 

Some days I just don't feel like posting but it helps me seeing all your posts.  Makes me feel less alone.  I know that I'm not alone as my family are missing mum too, but I feel closer to you, my virtual family, in this than I do to them.  If that makes sense?

MIL is not too bad but won't tell us how she really is. Just keeps saying "I'm fine, I'm fine" when we know she isn't but what can we do?  My husband has tried to talk to her but it makes no difference.  We think she's in denial and we can't change that, no matter how hard we try.

My poor little dog is not good.  She rallys but is then quite poorly again.  I'm trying to steel myself as I know that it's just a matter of time.

I hope you are all ok and I think of you all every day.

Hugs to all.

X

With you on this one Elenium, I too catch up but don't always post, it is reassuring to know you are all here and we are all on a similar page. Ups and downs but still trying to move onward. Hope your dog is okay.

Yantibee, glad you had a lovely holiday and I know how you feel about the emptiness and loneliness of coming home, I talk to a particular star when I go for my evening stroll, although I did have words with Bob for leaving me to cope with his mum,  I was holding her hand and reading to her when she was sedated and I told him I wished  he Was holding mine but I so know he would have if he could have.

My Mil died on Friday evening, I was there with my daughter and it was peaceful, can't ask for more can you really at her age and she was asking to go for weeks before but sadly we don't get to choose when do we?

 so now back to making the "arrangements " and needing to sort her flat out.

 Sue, well done for doing something for you, I need to do that but don't know what, feeble I know.

Jenny, Maisiemai- thinking of you both too, hope you are doing okay.

Love to all xxxx

Dear Bobles,

So so sorry to hear about MIL. Especially after I asked how she was. I remember you saying she was ready to go. 

Maybe after all the arrangements are made and her funeral is over you might feel like doing something just for you. I must admit I found it hard to get back to thinking of myself as being worth spending time on. Because I'm retired I don't have much structure in mylife, and I find that difficult. 

Big Hugs as always,

Love

Sue xx

My dear Sue,

Don't worry! Thank you for asking and caring.

I am happy to hear you recognise that you are worthy, you always have been but I know we all have felt beaten up and trodden on by cancer. Difficult to pick up /start life again. I have made a promise to myself that I will do something for me when everything is sorted, you have given me a nudge so thank you  

My retired neighbour is in a similar situation as you since his wife died a couple of months ago, (also cancer) I do make tea and listen but .... I do feel for him so.

I don't know how I would cope if I didn't work. 

Love to all xxx

Bobles, so sorry to hear about your MIL. I imagine it was a relief for her though. Perhaps now she can bend Bob's ear... 

Please take care of yourself and give yourself a break. It's been extremely difficult for you.

X

Hello Elenium,

Thank you, yes it was a relief for her.

I find I am jealous that she is with Bob, not that I wish to leave my children and join him as yet but c'est la vie as they say.

Love to all

Xx

Hi all,

Well I did it, I flew a plane!  Admittedly only for about 10 seconds (it was very scary) but even so...

I wasn't nervous at all beforehand but once we took off I could feel the panic rising.  The pilot offered to go back but I was determined to go through with it.  After a few minutes I started to feel ok.  It was fantastic.  I took loads of of photos and had a great time.  Best birthday present ever!!

I kept thinking how mum would have been horrified and extremely worried but would have encouraged me all the way.  She would have been pleased for me.

Hope you're all ok.

Hugs to all.

X

Elenium,

WooHoo!!!! Well Done you! 10 seconds? That's longer than most of us!! 

I'm  So So proud of you, and as the saying goes "The Sky's the Limit!"

Big Hugs

Sue xx