Having a bad day

Sue , so proud of you , I read this just before evening service in the restaurant tonight and honestly it brought a tear to my eye as I can feel everything you wrote , I also have read some books ( not like me I usually wait for the film ha ha ) but one called the empty bed was really good 

Really glad to read your post sue and one day we must all get together for a face to face talk 

Sue,

That all sounds amazing, well done. So glad you are beginning to find your feet, so not easy. Some really good ideas you have shared.

I expect you feel a sense of strength and achievement in contacting you brothers and it's good to be honest as well I find. I no longer say I'm okay when people ask how I am. Not sure if I could talk to a counsellor as I am the sort who internalises everything, Bob knew that and would leave me be to sort out any dilemmas I had and then share with him when I was ready. Still do this!

Love to all xxx

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts. 

Love Sue x

I'd like to say somthing to comfort you but unfortunately I'm in the same state so at the very least I can say don't worry it's normal to have days like this. My beautiful DiL has started a second round of chemo last week. This is her second cancer. She had a late diagnosis of acute myeloid leukaemia after her first baby now she has breast and secondary bone cancer. This year she's had radiotherapy, a mastectomy and found out that cancer had spread to her liver so now it's chemotherapy. There's four grandchildren, 19, 8,7 and just 5. Up to now we've spent 15months all pretending/hoping/convincing ourselves that she will beat it. I've had the youngest three over the weekend and they've worn me out. I'm so terrified I might let them down by not coping with the childcare responsibilities. I look at their lovely innocent faces and know that soon their little world will be crushed when they see how ill their mummy is. My son told me today that he'd been told that they must be face up to the fact that it's terminal. He's had to go into the school to let them know. I feel as if all hope is lost. What's worse is I feel so selfish my DiL, her family, my son are all in a worse position than me and here I am feeling sorry for myself. She's a real fighter so why am I feeling so despondent. It worries me that if I don't keep hope alive then I'm somehow letting her down. I too just feel very very sad and terrified 

Dear Harrowing.   It IS terrifying don't punish yourself for how you feel. Your DIL is still here now try to tell her everything you'd like while she's here. Ask if she has anything she needs or maybe she may feels she can tell you some things she can't tell your son or her babies.

However nightmarish it is you will all find a way through.  It does seem impossible but better to try to involve yourself in the now then take each hour at a time..each day..etc...

All easier said than done.  

Deep breaths...look after yourself so you can help them.

Much love.

Jx

Harrowing,

Jenny's completely right, it is terrifying and nothing will change that.  How you feel is completely understandable.

We're all here for you if you need to post just to let out some of what you are feeling.

X

Dear all,

Been up and down lately and couldn't bring myself to post although I have been reading.

We've moved most of the furniture out of mum's house.  I'm ok being there with other people and I don't expect to see mum there anymore.  It has become just bricks but I find that when I get home I get angry and bite people's heads off.  I can't seem to stop it but I don't feel angry until someone says something.

I'm with GS this week at hers.  Just me, her and my doggies.  Having a lovely time, although we've had a few sad moments thinking of mum and missing her.

Hope everyone is ok.

Hugs to all.

X

I am so sorry for you all, being in your sad sad situation. 

You do need to have hope and perhaps you may be able to talk to your dil and son about her /their needs, her desires/wants with your grandchildren. Of course you support and look after them as much as you can but that's a tiring exhausting job without the added supporting yourself and your son. 

You also need time to come to terms with what is happening to your family so it's only natural you feel like you do. It's not feeling sorry for yourself, its sadness and finding the help and strength to continue with this. You will find it, you do surprise yourself it's just so tough getting through it.

Of course, terminal doesn't mean untreatable, just remind yourself of that.

Hope and hope tomorrow is a better day xxx

Dearest Harrowing. You are doing the best thing, your Dil can see her children are being loved and are safe, which im sure will be of huge importance, the love for your family is clear. You are an integral part of the time there is, it wont all be sad, take the lead from Dil, harrowing for you all but if she can find strength im sure you can. You have joined a group with huge hearts who understand to a degree your journey thus far. Its is scary, one feels discombobulated. The cruel disease reaches deep into the hearts of an entire family, you may not be in full control but you can and will get through this. If you have time to read some of our journeys on this thread you will see its a rollercaster you cant get off because we all love so deeply. maybi suggest you ask Dil how best you can support her, let her tell you and then just be there but also care for yourself, you are no good if you are poorly. Let the children know they can talk to granny about anything and if there are tears, that is natural. X

Maisiemae you ALWAYS put things so well!

My writings mean well but when I read your posts I usually think...that's what I meant but my posts don't hit the mark. Probably due to my fluffy brain

Harrowing if you get time scroll back to page 1 read a selection from there on.

You somehow will cope insane as that sounds now.

Jx