Having a bad day

MIL was a bit better yesterday. Had a CT scan so just waiting on results.  Feeling a bit better myself today too.

How is everyone today?

Hugs to all.

X

Hi Elenium, glad to read your mil was feeling a bit better and glad you are today too . Things quiet here at home just getting used to the empty house.....it's a strange sensation 

Sorting some paperwork out yesterday, filing bank statements etc and found a written copy of eulogy I wrote for Jill's funeral, not read it since the funeral, I read it and was in floods of tears by the end of it just can't still believe what's happened to us , the grief process is just never ending. 

Work today as usual but opening our companies latest eaterie so a busy few days ahead !! 

Take care all x

Hello,

How's things? Hope all going well for your mil and you and yours.

Xxx

Hello Yantibee,

Not sure if I interpreted your posting correctly but I do find that going to work is my escape, bizarrely. Doesn't replace sadness and being alone but can sometimes just be enough to let me sleep. All the best with your new eaterie ... well done x not being patronising here totally admire what you are achieving which is what we all are doing in one way or another. Jill would be so proud.

Supporting my next door neighbour who is retired and I do so so feel for him and the long long day he faces.

Love to all xxx

No your right work is the escape it keeps me very occupied stimulated and with company I like fortunately, I strangely feel guilty still when I come back th the house and the first thing I do is apologise to Jill for been out so long!! I have always loved my job, been a chef then a restraunteur is a big life choice it's not just a job and Jill was so so encouraging patient selfless and supporting of me alongside her frustrations so I am great full for the fact I still have the desire to go and work, it would have been easier to not go back in late January but a mortgage don't pay itself so I had to but I do find a great sense of worth and purpose there unlike here at home now I have come in again to the empty dark and cold tonight house 

Don't like living on my own !!!! Don't like what's happened on 

Take care all xx 

Hi All,

I've been quiet because I've been busy. Not in the usual sense though. 

I had my 4th counselling session on Thursday. My counsellor is lovely, very easy to talk to. She's given me a boost by suggesting things to help me go forward from this awful loss. Do you know that it was the first time since Alan died that I was able to say to another person, any person, that I loved Alan & miss him dreadfully. And that I feel lost on my own. I guess my independent streak isn't so independent after all. 

We spoke about hobbies & interests. Apart from reading, watching tv & playing Soduko I don't do anything. Some things I used to do are physically impossible since my crash. She suggested I write down random things that I like. Something might then occur to me. 

I also did a couple of other things that I felt I was ready to do. I closed Alan's  email & Facebook accounts down. I was still checking them.

I'm seeing my gp next week about my sleep problems. I've been taking a herbal aid for a month now and it's  made not a jot of difference!

I bought a book on my kindle about bereavement. I'd seen something on tv, downloaded a sample on my kindle, and found it so interesting I bought the book. I'm about a third of the way through and it's been very helpful. It's  called  "The Grief Survival Guide:How to navigate Loss and all that comes with it." It's written by Jeff Brazier. He is the father of the late Jade Goody's children, she of Big Brother fame who died of breast cancer. He's now raising the boys. As well as being a tv presenter,  he's now trained as a bereavement therapist. Because he's been there, he has a good insight into loss and grief. I recommend it thoroughly. 

I was also very brave and emailed my 4 brothers explaining how I struggle sometimes and I want them to support each other more, and leave me out of relatively petty issues in the family. I reminded them that as well as us all losing Mum I then lost Alan, and that unlike them I don't have any other family members nearby. They all live in Canada. I've heard back from one, who was proud of me for addressing the situation. 2 of the others are away at the moment and don't have access to the internet. So we'll see. 

I send you all my biggest love and hugs

Sue xx

Sue the briefest of replies as Dad care keeping me tied up.

Just to say some interesting suggestions in your post.  You have been doing some brave and positive things.  I am proud of you.

Hug.

Jx

Sue, you are the reluctant lion finding your roar. Ive always thought Jeff Brazier acted with huge dignity and maturity. Sue, i wonder, after some Sue time, if you could be a buddy to someone - you are kind & wise and very real. Pleased your counsellor is easy to talk - so are you. You have so much to offer, i hope people also give to you xxx

Yantibee. Missed this post. as you cook with your heart your food must be amazing! Im sure it must be hard going home to a quiet empty house, shame you cant have another dog as Poppy is gone. A cat? Easier to leave and they are always pleasedto see you. I wish we were all closer, we could have a monthly meeting/talking/supporting/rounders/ just supportive. How are the boys?

Hi all , boys are good maisiemae thank you, eldest is a little calmer and as he has approached counselling seems to be just more like himself again, he is looking forward to his holiday which is good as he said a few weeks ago he was going to cancel it but he seems a little lighter. I am withhim on Sunday for most of the day which will be nice

Youngest has flown the nest and is getting to grips with his new job but he is with his girl the love of his life it seems so all is well and we speak or text daily 

How are you?