Having a bad day

I'm not nervous about meeting you all on Saturday.  I can't wait.  I know we will all be emotional but you have become my online family and I'm looking forward to seeing you.  I feel happy when I think about it because on Saturday I can give you all a real hug to say thank you for everything you have done for me.

I did start my new job yesterday, Sue.  They all seem very nice. Not actually done any work yet, still meeting everyone.  Although I can't remember any names.  I haven't told them about mum.  I just need to be somewhere where they treat me normally.  It's somewhere I can forget - or try to - about the grief. 

Hugs to all.

X

Good luck with the new job Elenium and I hope you all enjoy meeting in the real world on Saturday, I wish I could attend I really do, maybe another opportunity will come along, like you said this group has become my virtual family and I was a late arrival although read from the start , my thoughts will be with you all on Saturday it will no doubt be very emotional x 

Thanks yantibee.  I'm sure that we will all be thinking of the rest of our virtual family that can't be there on Saturday.  Hopefully there will be another opportunity for us all to meet in the future.

Hugs to all.

X

Oh Sue,

Good for you Elenium, happy that your new job is helping.

My firm have fund raising events for the hospice service we were linked with. Wonderful of them I know and generous.

This is going to sound terrible but I shall be glad when the events are over because every day I walk through the door the collecting tins, posters etc are there, it's not as though I shall ever forget but it's always there "in my face" as it were. No escape from the cancer or the past.

Mean spirited I know. sorry! Glad I've got that off my chest.

Xx

I don't think that's mean spirited at all. I think it's completely understandable.

X

I love the fact that this post has grown as it has. I have been quietly reading (sorry if it sounds a little stalkerish - it's not like that!) And enjoy the truthfulness and support from you all. Hope you all have a great day meeting up.

Thanks Pjdays. ..great name!

Jenny

Hi Elenium. I responded earlier but dont think it went. My response was that its not mean spirited - in fact its just honest. This group has worked because we are all honest. Sometimes ive watered down my honesty for fear of being judged - but by who, its the parrot of judgement who sits on my own shoulder, that subconscious f**ckwit part of myself, the one that tells you that you are stupid, but im not. when made to feel small by fear or grief the old parrot comes out. The parrot i thought i had killed after 10 years of therapy. The parrot of shame. He can go as well. Im not drunk, ive become aware that I want to fight back. Is it the part of me which can self soothe after all those conversations with my mummy. She always told me I was wonderful, kind, clever, the best daughter ever, why oh why cant i feel that i am.  Sorry Elenium, thats all a bit deep. Youve helped me realise something or reminded me of something I know. Im really ok as a person and the parrots or family who dont appreciate me will have to lean on someone else!

Pjdays. Its strange to think other people know so much about us. Its been rivetting and very intense at times. I swear that without this forum I would be unwell mentally. Im so happy that our openness can help someone else feel its ok To be however they feel. thanks for sharing that you have read.... Its all been so brutally honest, heartbreaking, supportive, ive also laughed and shed tears re my fellow postees, their unwavering support, kindness and empathy. when they have supported me, shared Silent Night at mums carol service, Silent Night will always mean i will think of mum and my friends on here who sang it at 8pm that night. Ive held my breath at times knowing whats happening in others lives at certain times. All unforgettable.