Having a bad day

Maisemae, do you mean that you felt you would be judged on here or in general?  You should never feel that.  I have always been completely honest on here and it's the one thing that kept me sane through everything.  I'd tell that parrot to sling his hook... (one of my mum's favourite sayings).  You most defintely are not stupid. And you are ok as a person.  Anyone who doesn't appreciate you needs their head read.  Walk away from them Maisiemae, they are not worth your worry.

I'm glad that other people read our thread and it helps them. I forget that there are others that can see it. 

X

It feels like we all have strong moments and moments of doubt and anxiety. We shouldn't doubt but it just sneaks in. ..

Never know what we are going to get each day.

The counsellor I see is calm, quiet, self restrained quite well spoken...this week though I was talking about bad times with Mum she asked me for more details..I told her. She then said 'let's call it what it was ...there was shit and vomit and you had to deal with that plus emotions medications and hospitals and your Dad and all not knowing how long for. You were resilient you did what you had to to keep things running. It was and is a huge responsibility." "You need time for you".

Said back to me like that...I realised more clearly how appalling it has been...for all of us and our loved ones.    I was in it at the time of course but couldn't see it until she said that...very odd.

Dad's coughing again.

Let those parrots fly out into the night.

Night all. 

Jx

Maisiemai, you have a wonderful gifted way with words, and the image of the parrots is perfect.

Agree with both Elenium and Jenny, let the parrots go, your family are not worthy of you. Maybe they will see that in the future, it doesn't mean turn your back on them it just means let them go and be you. You are a wonderful daughter and an amazing kind loving support to all.

Jenny your counsellor is right, images we all still have are shit, horrific, memories of the suffering of our loved one of us all, exhaustion, despair, everything but also the funny happy moments we treasure. We couldn't heal our mums, husband, partner, wife, but we will start to heal ourselves with time. support and love to us all.xxxx

Saturday Meet Up: elenium, jenny, sue & maisie mae. With us also in thought lovely Bobles and Yantibee and anyone else following our journey. We have six tickets and im told they have reserved our seats together. I Just cant recall if they are reserved in my real name Or MacMillan.  Ive left a msg to check.  Sue, I will try again to send you that msg via here if you accepted me as your 'friend'. If we meet 1.30 outside The Refectory Cafe which is, i understand, part of the Cathedral. Montague Close, Southwark Cathedral, SE1 9DA.  If anyone runs late we will meet in the service, whatever happens if you do get stuck somewhere please come in, would be awful to not meet up. Tickets In the event of delay, As i dont know the set up within the Cathedral i will leave the ticket in an envelope with your name on with the cash till in Cafe. my arms are limbering up today ready for some huge hugs!! The service is 1.5 hours long 2 to 3.30. Ive no idea of entire content only that 125 (technically 126) years of Trinity Hospice, the oldest Hospice in the UK. Its now Royal Trinity. Im not particularly religious but strangely became drawn to being in a Church when mum was at her worst. The Cathedral is splendid. I cant wait to meet you all xxxx

jenny, im pleased your counsellor reflected in a way you really heard what you have been through and still are. You have the broadest shoulders which need To rest at times too. The horrors seen and experienced nobody could run away froM. We chose not to, based on the love we have for the person. I see it as i wouldnt have wanted anyone else to do it instead of me, the depth of bonding in those times only we now know. My love for mum has no end, not then, not now. I feel you are the same. Just how to live without the ambilical cord which regrew at that time x

Cathedral Visit. Seats in my real name all together and near the front. Job done x

I hope you're not all going to hate me. I can't bring myself to come tomorrow. Saying Goodbye to my Mum yesterday with my Aunts in Norwich was WAY harder than I thought it would be. She's been gone a year but it finally felt real. It's also the 6 month anniversary of me losing Alan. 

I thought I'd be able to cope. But I can't. I'm so so sorry Maisiemae for throwing your plans into disarray. I feel really rotten. 

I know we'll meet one day my friends. 

I love you all

Sue 

Xx

Oh Sue, of course we are not going to hate you.  If you can't do it you can't and that's all there is to it.  You have to do what's best for you.  It's a shame, I won't deny it, but I completely understand.  You'll be there with us in spirit.  

We will meet one day.

Big hug to you.

X

Dear sue. You must be emotionally wrung out. I completely understand, disappointed but how on earth could i hate you. Take care of yourself and lets hope there is a next time when you do feel able to travel - x

Hope you have a lovely day at the service. I guess there will be tears of sadness and joy as you finally meet in the "real world" 

Can't be there but in spirit I will be!, so as you squeeze each other please hug a little tighter and imagine we are all there with you today as we have been throughout this terrible journey together 

Much love to you all x