Having a bad day

Hi maisiemae and all of you in my virtual family, honestly I did find the going to therapy hard, I was a sceptic for sure as Jill had had some for depression in her 30s and I thought it was all nonsense!! Only now looking back have I realised I was angry that things had made her depressed (namely her mother) and I was angry I couldn't help her really and she had counselling on the advice of her doctor. Now, today I would recommend it to anyone that is when you feel you are ready, I felt I needed something someone to face to face talk to to help me as I was so so lost.....I had no idea who I was when she died, I felt I had too.i was having bad thoughts I was very low, sad, desperate and scared so I went for it

Thursday was my last session!! We agreed that I had come as far as I need to for Now and maybe we will pick up again later in the year as the anniversary of Jill dying approaches. I still have a long way to come in terms of recovery and I know I will never fully recover after the loss but for now I am in a place where I am Ok

Youngest got a job offer in Norwich which he accepted so the loss  will be kind of complete in a way , both boys moved out, one away down the country and Jill and poppy passed away so now my battle with the personal loneliness will begin ...just another stage of this painful journey called grief , but I am stronger than I was two months ago when I first sought help and having reached out for that help I know it's there again if I need it 

So with all that said and having you all there to rant ramble and waffle on at I think I will be ok

I do wish I could join you in London on the 20th but as I said earlier work commitments won't allow sadly but maybe some other time

As for another dog maisiemae well not at the moment although I would love one but it wouldn't be fair on the pooch as I am out for long days and evenings so for now it's a no

Hope the weekend is kind,I will keep reading and we will speak soon, take care 

Morning Yantibee 

Glad it's helped and it's there for you in future if need be.

Sounds like the boys are finding their way.  It will be quite strange I imagine with them away but possibly some comfort they are coping? 

Maybe there'll be another meet up too.

If you feel lonely you know at least you can post on here.  

So you're not really alone. 

Hug.

Jennyx

If you need a chat and somewhere to let off steam I have a very patient and understanding ear.

I am feeling very angry today and I don't know why.  I keep biting everyone's head off.

Are you tired of it all? I am. Dad was chatting just as I sat down to be brainless in front of the TV. Poor Dad. .I needed peace bur he needs an outlet.

Was a bit short with him then felt bad

We are human...

Hope you sleep well. 

Jx

Oh i have less patience and my hair is falling out. No doubt stress related. Happens 3 to 6 months later. im home now. its exhausting, house fell through, mums husbands children are circling, daddy this daddy that. They havent visited in 28 years, why now, im happy for him he hasnt clicked why, they all have gambling problems. ive sobbed this weekend at niece refusing to ever speak to me again. All so cruel. Ive cared for her for 34 years... It hurts. She has stubborn streak.  night all. Tomorrow is another day. pS SUE ive invited you to be friend so i can send my real name and mobile. x

Tired of it ALL!! It never stops 

Eldest son in meltdown tonight.....awful situation 

How are things now Yantibee?

Hi

He has gone off to Scotland with his job this morning but he is not good, he is telling himself he can't cope, can't talk to anyone , doesn't want counselling and the only thing he does want he can't have . He had threatened his girlfriend with the "I want to kill my self " bomb during an argument at which point she called me last night . We talked for a couple of hours and I managed to calm them both and try to guide him toward some help not necessarily counselling but maybe just our family GP as a start point

I am obviously worried but this morning he seems calmer but the issue seems to be when he is home from work at the weekend. Oh too much S@#* to put in a post . I am as sure as I can be that he will not act on his threat , I gave him a rollicking about saying that rightly or wrongly but the impact of his grief on their relationship is massive and until he decides to seek some help then it just seems to be a fire fighting operation for my youngest and I x

Hello all.

Was there something in the air yesterday do you think? mil had a bit of a melt down Yantibee. Maybe it is therapeutic for your son, I'm hoping so forMIL, that she can move on a bit.

Hard on you though I know especially when you are starting to see a glimmer of light, it just brings you back Down. I also think it's because it's the weekend and we are not at work, except you Yantibee, and we have more time to think and dwell on things. I hate Friday night!

Maisiemai , Elenium and Jenny,I find I speak my mind more than I used too, maybe it's from dealing with the medical profession but I know that sometimes I wish I hadn't been so direct. As you say, we're human too and been through a wicked time. Better out than in I say, Elenium I'm sure your family understand.

Love to all x