Having a bad day

I'm on my way home from work, got Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off and husband is away for the weekend. I don't really have anything planned and am starting to feel a little lost. Missing mum.  I want to take her to the tea room that I discovered with my daughter and sister.  I want to show her the trousers I bought the other day.  I want to talk to her about my new job.  Sorry, just feeling a bit sorry for myself.  

How is everyone?  I am so glad that we (some of us) are meeting up soon. It will be lovely to talk to and hug you all in person rather than virtually.

Hugs to all.

X

Dearest Elenium, I was wondering how the new job was - I so understand, I want to tell mum that Mabel now brings the ball back at 12 weeks old, how awful my niece has been to me, how selfish my brother has been he has bullied me into some money before sale of mums house and it goes on and on and on. I hope that maybe we can find real friendships outside of cyberspace, although its always felt real, one cant beat a kind face and real understanding in person. Im really looking forward to it, may need some hankies.  Although I shock myself sometimes when I do big things and dont cry and then a daft thing can send me into pillow thumping sobs with mirror contortions so I can see my pain and grief with my own eyes and feel it.  Yep,I am mad.  Its normal for me though. We can always hear about anything you want to share, although not all pertinent to this site, the support of one another continues and maybe some moves off here. Lets see. Elenium, you take good care and lots of us are here and will really be there very soon. x

Elenium and Maisemae I am similar. Dealt with various big things OK but the normal little things I want to tell Mum get to me.

Had an awful night last night brain flashing back again. Did she know  I loved her did she know I'd be sad too...I remained calm at the time to try to get the best for her from the professionals..my brain is like a hamster in a wheel. I told her I loved her and she replied she loved me too...brain taunted me with this at 2am.

I found patchwork free style silk work of Mums yesterday.  Unfinished but I love it want to frame it.

Dad giving two of his lesser paintings he doesn't mind losing to hospice to sell.

Hug.

Jx

It's just crappy, isn't it?

Yep.

Love to all xxxx

Totally crappy.

Jx

Just been reading through all mum's text messages. Even more sad now. 

I did same it's so bloody awful.

She asked for her walking frame to help her use commode in hospital about two weeks before she died (they then told her she wasn't allowed to walk as pelvis was disintegrating). She had to just go in the bed.

Then she texted she had reflexology from a volunteer. 

Then she could no longer text as her arms wouldn't lift.  So there are texts from me....no replies...

I texted after she died too.

Hate everything at the moment. 

Jx

Please back up your phones. mum wldnt text me but ive got voice msgs and her singing happy birthday to me on my last birthday. I will play it every year until the day in die. im tearing up just thinking of it. My eyes spring leaks when i think of her voice x

Backed up.

Only have very sad recording of mum a year before she died in hospital post hip replacement op ...it was a message for dad who nearly died/brain injury from neuro toxic dose of anti shingles medication given by gp.  She was being strong for him. Watched it once but can't look again. I hated that time as had to leave her because of Dad (again) and her mobile ran out of charge. She got very upset as didn't know if he was OK couldn't contact anyone and nurses didn't plug in her phone.

Almost a repeat this February with him in hospital too until her body gave out.

Must record Dad.

Happy Birthday song will be heartbreaking but beautiful. ..

Jx