Having a bad day

Jenny it's horrible, horrible that  they are not with us physically anymore but they are with us forever because we are never gong to forget them.  They will be forever in our hearts.  I know that mum is watching over me just like your mum is watching over you.  A lady once told my mum that there was someone standing next to her with their arms around mum.  She couldn't quite see who is was but it was someone who loved her very much and she them. I know that was my dad.   I think that our loved ones have their arms around us because they loved us so much and we them. So I think that Maisiemae is right. She is here.

Hug to you Jenny. X

Struggling a bit today.  Been talking to brothers and sisters about mum's house.  I just can't bear to go in there anymore.  I just want it sold now.

Long hard day today, Jill in my head all day, counselling people from CRUSE called and I have my 1st appointment on Thursday (today now) 

Eldest son away working in Scotland, he is not in a good way, very low and bottling things up. His lovely girlfriend who he lives with has contacted me telling me she is worried about him, he has been self harming and keeps saying he wants to go see his mum . She has begged me not to tell him she has told me but what do I do? It's a totally tortuous situation 

Youngest son at home with me tonight and was sobbing during an episode of Greys Anatomy on tv!! All about the death of someone's mum OMG!!! It never stops . As I watched the tears were on my face too, my heart aching for my boys and my mind thought about you lovely people who have travelled the same path as my beloved boys. 

This wretched disease has hurt us all so much, the aftershocks still come, the wave after wave of grief . I feel so lost and helpless, I don't know what to do about my kids ! How to help them how to take the pain away and it's my job to protect them even more now than before, Jill would have known what to do if I had gone and not her, it's so unfair on them and I feel ill equipped to do the job of father and mother to them 

Sorry for the self pitying rant but here you can just let go , 

Love to you all x

Oh yantibee it's not a self pitying rant.  We've all been there to varying degrees.  Your poor boys.  It's hard losing your mum but they need to talk about it.  Have you suggested that they go on a forum?  Maybe not this one but I'm sure there are others.  I'm sure it would help them.  Have you told them that you come on here?  Have they had counselling?  Perhaps that is what they need too. Maybe you could get both your boys round and talk to them about the struggle you are all having and suggest these things.  You probably already have done all these things but I don't know what else to suggest.  If either of them would like to talk to me about it I'm happy to help. 

I wish I could help more.

Sending you a bit hug.

X

Elenium. im pleased you are all talking and hopefully agreeing. Do you have to go in mums? My mums house completes hopefully on 28 April. No joy, just another ending. Endings. Never liked them. mums friend dropped dead yesterday. super sudden. There is something better for the person who knows nothing about it rather than the torture of cancer death. We are probably all in shock still. How to live and exist in shock? - yantibee, an impossible situation. You cld all benefit from family therapy. Holding each other up is lovely but sometimes collapsing with each other is just as powerful. Jill im sure would discuss with you what to do, you were, i have no doubt, an integral part of her thinking and wisdom.can his partner tell their gp? self harming, yr beautiful brave boys. How can we help? may Cruse support yr own fragile self. Be safe everyone. X

Thank you 

I have been more open with my emotions and feelings with them than ever before, I have talked to them about my experience of counselling and what I hope to get from it but it's still the same old saying that comes to mind.... you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink! 

I hope they will seek help but at 24 and 21 they are young men and I get the feeling they see it as a weakness to seek help from a counsellor, you know" I will be ok I dont need help" all I can do for now is be open and impart to them what my counsellor says and hope it moves them to seek help themselves either through a forum like this or on a one to one basis. 

I have told them about my experience on here and how it has helped me massively and about the people I have on here who are my viral friends, about each of your suffering and experiences , they were surprised I had used such a forum but I explained that I happened upon it by chance and how much it had helped , so I am at a point of not really knowing my next move apart from sharing my thoughts and experiences 

Thank you again x 

Dearest yantibee, 

I think that because your boys were surprised that you had joined our little band it might, & I do mean might, get them thinking it might be something that can work for them. 

I actually got some more positive news this week. I rang the Probate helpline, & because the banks were happy to release Alan's money, I don't have to apply for Probate or fill in the Inheritance Tax forms!! Also I rang his energy company with the final meter reads. They'd been estimating the bills for so long because he couldn't actually get to the cupboard where the electric meter was instead of me having to pay them, they owe the estate a couple of hundred pounds!! I can use that money to offset the other supplier he was having one of his 'disputes' with.

I'm going to sort the rest of the bills out after the weekend, then I can pay out any bequests. It's just another sense of relief.

I went out for lunch yesterday with a dear friend & she told me how proud she was of me, and that she was proud to know me. She says that seeing me deal with stuff is making her more confident with things. I must admit I blushed!! Me? Inspiring someone? I never ever thought that of myself.

I really hope that Easter is cope-able for you all my dear dear friends. I agree with others, this little band of ours is an amazing support group of people. 

Love Sue xx

Yantibee. You continue to be the best man, father and husband anyone could have. Nobody can do better than their best and by being open honest and accepting of however your big boys feel you continue to be a nurturing loving figure in their lives. Im 55 and i learnt from my mother until the day she died. The boys may be young men but never underestimate the impact your honest words will have with their private thoughts. If dad can do that... Maybe i can ...  non judgemental spaces in this World are very rare. We are lucky to have this, as are your boys.

Sue, i think ive said this before, you really are a Lioness, you just need to see the reflection in the mirror and see yourself and not your self belief self! X

Dear all. Am reading all your posts.  Just manic with things here.

Very moving read.

Much love to all.

Yantibee I think what you share with sons will be absorbed.  Hope help is sought too. Keep talking to them.

Hug.

Jx