Sorry but I'm having a bad day and I just need to let it out. Â I woke up feeling like I've had no sleep and really down. Â Mum's been bad this week - a lot of pain and, I think, sliding into depression - so I'm in overdrive on worrying about her. Â My sister is with her today so I don't need to go round to see mum although I probably will drop round later. Â I thought I would throw myself into cleaning the house so make myself busy and then I'd start to feel better. Â My fatal mistake was asking my 18 year old daughter to help. Â She had a major strop. Â I tried to keep calm as I realise that she is worrying about my mum too but it was hard. Â I tried to talk to her but she just got worse and worse so I gave up. Â Then my husband made sarcastic comments about it all - again he is worrying and his mum is also not well - so I am still trying to keep a lid on it. Â But I feel even worse now. Â I'm now sitting on the sofa in my pyjama's watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy without the will to do anything else. Â I just keep crying and feel so very very sad.Â
Even though I haven't posted for a few days I've been reading your messages.Â
On Thursday evening the clearance guy brought the keys back to me for Alan's flat. And the bill. Nearly ÂŁ5k!!! I took the keys back to the letting agents on Friday. I don't have to think about that place again. It's a relief actually. The clearance guy said it's the worst hoarding clear up he's ever done!Â
On Sunday I tried to watch the first round of the new British Superbike season. I couldn't. It was such a huge part of what we enjoyed together, either in person or on TV that it seems wrong somehow to watch it on my own. I did manage to watch some of the highlights last night, but it's not the same.Â
I know my depression is trying to get control of me, I know the signs. I want to sleep all day & find it hard to talk to people. If It don't feel any better after the weekend I'll get a doctor's appointment.
Elenium, well done on getting the job.Â
Hugs
Sue xx
hi sue, no expectations of you, just care and concern and support. i do hope you find a way to nip the depression which is sniffing at your heels. You know where we are - anytime. Love MM
Elenium congratulations on the new job - great to have good news. Â Interesting to know you feel more detached about Mum's property now.
My sister is in Sussex so just me and Dad for a few days. Â Tried to watch a film after his dialysis but he talked through it so decided sleep a better option. Hope to get him out somewhere on Sunday.Â
Don't want to sell Mum's place. Â It's been in the family since 1950 Mum's aunt left it to her. Â But we must.
I'll go tidy the garden over easter boyfriend helping.Â
Mum not being here is just wrong. Think I may always feel that.Â
Sue you've done so much. Â Hope you feel better soon.Â
Jx
Feel bad tonight.Â
My mind going over Mum's last days. Â Did I tell her enough that I love her? Did I look her in the eye enough and listen...? Why didn't I stay all night that last night...etc etc
Feel a bit anxious and agitated.Â
I was looking into visiting my friend in Spain for a few days...maybe that's making me anxious? Not travelled since Mums hip replacement 18 months ago.
Hope you are all OK.Â
Jx
Dear Jenny. i think its 'normal' if you flick back, this is what i was saying and you so kindly reassured me that mum loved me. Its my turn now. Your mum adored you. She will forever. You were by her side. After all, the words, i love you, come from actions as well as words. you said it a 1000 million times. You didnt stay the night as you had exhaustion and there was no appointment time for her last breath. The anxiety will pass, ride the storm. trust you will be ok and have a few days with the sun on yr face. X
Thanks MM your words made me cry which seemed to need.
Dad dialysis now. Â Got him painting a garden chair yesterday.Â
Will check my avios points as can probably get a flight then for around ÂŁ35.
Jxxx
Hi everyone,
I've been reading your posts but haven't felt like posting. Been missing mum a lot. I was gardening yesterday and left my phone indoors. When I came in I picked it up thinking 'I wonder if mum's rung?' I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Haven't been in mum's house since last Tuesday. Can't face it. Feeling very up and down which I know is natural but that doesn't make it any easier, does it?
Been thinking of you all. Sending you all hugs.
X
Elenium
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