Having a bad day

Maisiemae no not thick my dots probably only join via a very odd route?

I think I'd read Sue''s post about her Mum and her Subaru skiing etcetc   was thinking about Mums zest for life then remembered her mad texts. .

Ice road f@ckers! !! Instead of Truckers...

Not sure I make any more sense now!

Jx

I want to tell Mum I've trimmed the vine, tied back the old rose bush and painted the wall in the kitchen.

I can't. 

That's just not right. 

Jx

Hi Yantibee,

 I know so well. I think I feel worse now than before. I think it's how Elenium said that everyone has gone back to their "normal" , not our children, but the rest of the world around us and expect us to. It's like you are in a bubble  - with people but separated at the same time. 

It was our wedding anniversary last Friday, so so hard. 38 years. I am still married to Bob despite my newly assigned official title of widow.

 Plus people are so insensitive when they  don't mean to be, or at least I hope they don't.

My friend invited me out for a coffee - great- then added she needed  to be home by a certain time because her husband was coming back from working away and how lucky was I not to need to do that. I don't know how I didn't cry, scream, shout or just walk out, or all of them but I'm not that sort of person. Then Bobs cousin rang to discuss MIL and advised how I wasn't to rush into things and move although she totally understood how difficult it must be to come home to a dark, empty lonely house.  I KNOW, I don't need reminding!!

  I am reassured though  that I am not alone in my feelings, I guess love does make you grieve and feel like we do, not having been in this situation before. 

 Big hug to you and yours and all xxxx

Bobles that was hugely insensitive!  I suspect they just don't think before speaking.

We have no normal now we have "other".  I hope one day further on we move from existing to living although it seems impossible now.

The same question keeps repeating in my head "why did you die?"

Pointless...

Jx

Hello Yantibee,

Yes Mothers Day is always difficult, even tho' I lost my precious mother 11 years ago. Always there is that moment, for me, when I think must get Mum a card, then I remember.

Been struggling this week, after Mothers Day. Had a few things going on that I would normally talk through with her so finding that really difficult.  Also my youngest is having a few problems at school so that's not helping.  She's suffering too as she would always talk to my mum about her problems.  And the for sale sign went up at mum's house and they didn't warn me so drove past and there it was.  It was like someone punched me in the stomach.  I know it's got to be done but something else that hurts.

I've been reading everyone's posts but haven't felt able to write anything.  I know everyone else is suffering too but don't have any words of comfort at the moment.

Hugs to all of you. 

X

Elenium. Just watched Rio's documentary. Reminding me, everyone has to do and be at their own pace. Triggers are everywhere - thankfully no for sale sign was needed, i said didnt want one. Partly as mums neighbour was so distraught. its mainly shit isnt it. Love and no pressure x

Maisiemae...watched it too.

I liked the memory jar for his children. May do it myself.  Think its hard to properly grieve when caring for others.

Elenium we're here even if you're not posting. A hug for you.  I can't imagine selling this place but I'll have to once in Dad's name.  Must be gut wrenching.

I visited my Mum's neighbours down here in Sussex they're upset. They'd tended the front of the house so it didn't look awful.  Very kind. One of them is a retired nurse she said she really got upset a year after her Mum died.

I sat on the beach this afternoon and left Mum's mothers day card there.

Persuaded my sister to visit here next week to say goodbye.

Night all.

Jx

So true Jenny, 

I know when my mum died moments of sadness crept up on me at the strangest of times, even after a year had passed.

I know it's awful to see your mum's house up for sale, it's never ending isn't it.  I remember just walking round it when it was completely empty, my whole childhood had been spent there, so sad but happy memories too stored.

Wishing you all a good weekend, however that might be,  a little better than last weekend perhaps. Sleep well, I'm still waking at 3 am!

Love to all, xx

Another difficult weekend, mums birthday tomorrow. Going to Lincs to pick up our new puppy. Mabel. Mum would normally be on the phone a lot re such a big puppy day. so at least i will be busy. may little Mabel help to heal my heart. Love to all xxx