Having a bad day

I think there is a lonely feeling to grief. ..I have my dad, sister and boyfriend but I do feel lonely without Mum.  I know Yantibee it's not the same as you but I realised I feel it as well. 

Dad must feel similar to you.

Hug.

Jx

Yantibee. You paint a picture so vividly. The weight of your grief makes my phone heavy, the noise which surrounds you isnt really reaching you, its just noise. Words can be empty vessels but these are full of hope for you to mend in your own way, mend to accommodate the gaping hole in your life and i hope so much your journey of recovery is one which has some light. Your Jill, we all know, wanted you to live after she passed, she couldnt stay. Wretchedly sad. I pray in a hopeful way you find moments of light so there is some contrast with the darkness of longing lonely grief.

Maisiemae, you paint such a beautiful picture with your words. If you're not a writer/poet/ song writer you should be. I had said for years that Mum was the one who glued us together. Much more than Dad. 2 or 3 of my brothers only see each other at funerals & weddings. I know they're more spread out geographically but still .. . Mum used to say she saw me more often than Peter! Now she's gone & her estate is being finalised I somehow doubt if some of them will ever even speak to each other again. And that's sad, as we all generally get along ok. I've just realised writing this that maybe I'M the new glue, as the oldest, and the only girl. They all say that they saw me more as a mum than a sister, as I had to help run the household when we all lived at home. 

I realised Sunday that I was metaphorically hiding my grief for my Mum. Losing both her & Alan within 6 months was way to big for my heart to cope with. Like your Mums she was a force of nature, & great fun to be around.I had 5 brothers till the youngest Steve passed away 2 years ago, & one posted a cartoon on Facebook dedicating it to Mum & me. It said " When we're old & grey we don't want people thinking Aww what nice little old ladies. We want them thinking Oh Crap, what are they up to now!?!" She was just short of 85, and till about 5 months before she got sick, swam 40 lengths twice a week. She didn't stop skiing till late into her 70s, and that was only because she'd broken her ankle!! She drove a Subaru SUV, and I'd get texts like " I'm going out to play in the snow in my Subaru"!! All I'd answer was "Have Fun Ma!" She'd had a heart attack at 67 & that seemed to give her an even larger zest for life than she had already. And THAT'S why I love her so much. 

I know she wouldn't want me breaking my heart over her, then Alan. Sorry Mum, I'm disobeying you this time. I feel on the verge of tears constantly. I too want to just run away. 

I heard from the clearance guy yesterday. He'll be finished tomorrow, then I can hand the keys back. To be truthful it'll be a huge relief. I was also hoping to see to probate but hadn't heard back from one of the banks. I phoned them again yesterday & it seems the paperwork hadn't been sent out! Grrr!!

Hugs to all of you. 

Sue xx

Maisiemae,

I've just booked my coach ticket for May 20th. I've booked amendable in case plans/ circumstances alter.

Sue xx

Goody. No plans to change x

I so want another button other than like. Said before, pressing like feels wrong but in pressing like I acknowledge your words and feelings

Sue your post made me cry ..

Maisiemae should definitely write...

Just remembering funny things Mum did or said.

I remember being away and having the following text conversation. Hope it doesn't offend...! I've had to adapt the actual word typed....

Mum: Your father and I are watching Ice Road F!ckers

Me: You and Dad watching adult movies? 

Mum (hours later): No!!! Sense and Sensibility 

Am sure other's have similar funny memories. ..

Jx

Oh Jenny, that was not my intention. I'm sorry xx

Sue. I just write from the heart. We are all the glues. Question is whether we want to be glued to the f***wits or whether now we have the choice with whom we stick ourselves to and with. Could this be enlightening even though it feels like we are being buried with grief and the load which is so heavy. in times of terror people make the most unlikely companions but with support and a common goal to survive even though sometimes, just sometimes I think it would be better not to just so the longing would subside. Sue, you are the new glue, its holding you together. Be kind to our glues day as we and our substances will make it through. Eventually x

Jenny im being thick - im not joining the dots on yr last post x