Having a bad day

Sue hope you're looking after you too.

Glad Alan has told you what he wants ..you next  to him.  Do you have regular people coming to check on him?

Hug

Jx

Maisiemae I'm willing you there safely to be with your mum.

I understand your mum's wishes about the dog. May make her feel peaceful unless she let's you take him. Overwhelmingly heartbreaking and frightening. 

Wish I could say something vaguely useful. 

Jx

Maisiemae, I don't know what to say to you.  I wish I could speed you on your way to your mum. Know that we are all thinking of you and your mum.

Sue and Jenny

Thankyou for yr support and kind words. We are all in hard situations they have peaks and troughs. Tbis is a deep chasm! Now discovere no trains tonight. I have to drive v early in the morning after hopefully a rest - my head is spinning like jetlag! Mums just had another huge injection and ive spoken to the nurse, she thinks although mum ready to go her body isnt quite there, deep depression. She stopped all meds apart from the injection. Im hoping mummy Caron (me) time i can persuade her fo do the steroids again. My hard sister says i shouldnt ho if she cant take the meds to feel better. Ive never ever let mum down, never. But i cant go tonight. Its. 4 hour drove on top of the 5.5 just done. Why is the universe stopping me. I wish you all love and light. Breath deeply, love strongly, thats the reason we have reached out to each other becaise we love deeply. Im going to have a bath and a huge sobbing fit. Xxxx

Sue,

You're not a moaning Minnie but even if you were you're entitled to be. I can't give you any advice but I am thinking of you.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Elenium

Thankyou sorry im reading posts on phone and not seeing everything. Love im being sent is going in though. Thankyou really thankyou everyone

Hi Jenny, I'm afraid not at the minute. He's been home over 4 weeks & we're still waiting on Community Social Services!! I'm going to call the District Nurses tomorrow & see if they can arrange a nursing assessment on Alan to see if the palliative care team need to be involved now. Apart from 2 visits by our GP, who is lovely btw, the only nurses we've physically seen here are the District Nurses who were giving him his Clexane injection & checking his blood pressure . When we found out he was terminal I said I knew what would happen about his care. It's me, me, me, &, oh yes, me! His son lives in Huddersfield, we're in Coventry, he's the head of a school for children with Special Needs, so it's not like he can drop everything. Alan& his brother aren't really on speaking terms, mainly Alan's doing, other than that everyone else who could help are too far away. 

Oh well, we soldier on. 

I popped into mum's earlier and managed to have a bit of a chat with my sister.  She told me that her husband is really giving her grief over coming to look after mum.  I'm sort of not surprised because he doesn't really have a good relationship with his parents, although he is there for them when they need him. We spoke about our brothers too and she said that perhaps their partners were being difficult too.  If that is happening I wish they would just say. 

I think I just have to do what I can for mum and let them do what they can.  I've got to stop getting upset about what they're not doing.  Probably easier said than done but I think I must for my own sanity.

I've decided not take the anti depressents for now.  I think I'm going to get much worse down the line and will need them then.  I can get couselling through work so will ring them tomorrow.

Feeling very down tonight. 

Quick post just to say thinking of you all.

Night  night.

Jx

Ive made it to mums, cornwall to north norfolk with 4 hours work inbetween. My darling mummy is in too much pain to hold her and she wants to be gone. I have to respect that but having to lay silently close to her and im doing silent screaming, you know the one. My mum has changed so much in 3 days. She is pretty much gone. Three days ago we were giggling as we had to measure her on the bed for her lovely wicker coffin. Now she is a tiny ball of pain - there is a storm outside and it feels like monsters are silently grabbing her and her wonderful spirit. Its stolen her. I wanted to save her from the fact she has given up but now i wish ber a speedy journey to go and look after all our pets who haved passed. Her granddaughter asked nanny to find and look after her kitten who was run over. May mum be surrounded by animals she loves so much. And, my partner and i want to adopt her scraggy 16 year old nlind mini poodle. I will never be the same again after what ive seen tonight. But whatever happens i am here. She has sat with many people who had nobody in the wold and soothed them as they left. I hope i get the chamce to do the same for her. I have to but i just want my mum back. Guess you could say its a bad nignt. In a way ive never known before