Hi everyone. This week after 15 months of surgery, chemo, hospitalisations due to treatment, immunotherapy and Hepatitis caused by treatment I got my first clear scan. I was off treatment for some months due to the Hepatitis but it carried on working. I'd prepared myself that the scans were going to either be stable or worse and hadn't once thought it would be a positive outcome.
The reason I'm staying anonymous is because I don't know if I'll come across ungrateful but so far I've not felt anything. I don't know if it's shock. This is always what we aim for and don't get me wrong I'm incredibly grateful for it but I've not yet felt that woosh of excitement or celebration.
I just feel weirdly numb and still anxious.
I'm stage 4 so maybe that's why. I know that there's a likelihood it will recur. Maybe it's a feeling of tempting fate?!
Has anyone else felt like this? I'm feeling pretty low when I should be elated.
It's been a non stop 15 months and I'm physically and emotionally exhausted so maybe that's why?
I just feel really alone in my feelings.
Hi Rosiepose2dde31 and well done getting out the other end of treatment and getting that first clear scan.
I will always maintain that the cancer rollercoaster has 3 parts…. all with their own challenges.
The first 1/3rd is the diagnosis challenges….. back in 1999 for me this took over a year, 6 biopsies and a few scans….. even although my consultant was 99% sure as to my type of cancer.
The second 1/3rd is the treatment and eventually hearing that word remission/clear……..
The final 1/3rd for many is actually the hardest as it’s navigating the post treatment world and all the twists and turns that comes along.
Everyone navigates this differently so you are not alone in being anxious and numb.
You may find it helpful to make a cuppa and have a look at this great paper
After Treatment Finishes - Then What?
by Dr Peter Harvey as it highlights the post treatment milestones that we have to navigate.
As I said I was first diagnosed in 1999 age 43 with the first of my 4 cancers.
The first one is a rare (8 in a million) hard to treat incurable type of slow growing Low-Grade Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma - Cutaneous T-Cell (Mycosis Fungodes a rare type of skin NHL)
In 2012 I was diagnosed with Asbestosis….. that is presently behaving itself.
Oct 2013 I was then diagnosed with a second very rare (4 in a million) more aggressive fast growing High-Grade Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma - Peripheral T-Cell NHL came along taking me to stage 4…….
Then in April this year I was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer……. I am a touch greedy when it comes to cancer.
I had some intensive treatment between Oct 2013 to Oct 2015 (750hrs chemo, 45 radiotherapy zaps and 2 Allograft (donor) Stem Cell Transplants)……. (See my story)
Back in 1999 the then median survival for my first cancer was set at 3-5 years….. our daughters were 14 and 18 at that point.……. But we went on to see our daughters graduate, get married, set up very successful businesses and provide us with 4 beautiful granddaughters….. I turned 71 in Nov and I am coming up to 11 years since my last treatment.
I think I am fortunate in that as a family we chose very early on to not let my cancer suck life and living out of us…… we would not let the bumps in the road define us…. Our aim is to define life and how we live.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Support in your area,
Do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and have helped me in a number of occasions when ‘stuff’ started to build up.
