It's 3am ,can't sleep and thinking about my terminal stage 4 bone cancer.Suddenly dawned on me this could be my last Christmas ever.wow
hi Marty,
sorry to here what your going through , I have thoughts like that all the time ,im 57 and I was diagnosed with stage 4A Prostate cancer, in July . triple treatment and radiotherapy. 2nd chemo tomorrow 24th December .
its not easy sometimes when suddenly you have these overwhelming thought jump into your head. I hope you have good support with your family and friends which im learning is a good thing to have .the biggest battle I have is making sure I have the money for a funeral and have everything in place, so my children don't have to sort out any arrangements , sad but true ,my focus is to try to soften the trauma my children will have to go through. I have 5 goal to focus on next year, my twins boys18th, son no 2 has his 3rd boxing bought, and my oldest is getting married in July and a stag do in Prague and my daughter going to Spain to play football with her school. and its only spite and the love for my children that will get me there, I know I can die a proud man of how my children are a tight unit and doing so well in life , be it next year or the year after , I wish you all the best in your fight and all the best to you're family `, make memoirs that stay with your family forever , stay strong buddy.
Thank you Marty :) you have a great Christmas too! .I did not say much, probably did not know how to .
Ithappens to me too waking up early morning between 3-4 am ..although I am still waiting for my staging ..I know it’s at least 3C for high grade breast cancer . Hoping that by the time I wait for the tests and the oncologists it does become stage 4 or is not already .
For me it is mostly my 4 year old turning around in the bed that wakes me and then I just am awake and keep thinking , meditation helps at times … watching pictures or videos of my children and family takes away the thought a little bit ..
Best of everything you need to fight this 
morning Marty , hope your doing ok this morning , I did send you a message but I put a rude word in it so I don't think they allowed it 
, ive been like that for a year , it is a time where you are alone and these random thought go through you're head, sometime I get hot flushes with it almost like a mini panic attack . I use medical cannabis for pain relief , you don't have to smoke it ,it come in sorts of forms . you can sign up to legal clinics in the UK but it private and pay , worth looking into .iv"e been using it for years for a spinal disease and ankylosing spondylitis .
