Don’t know where to start … husbands cancer now terminal. Fought and fought for 2 years, tried every drug under the sun, chemo, radio, all futile. Now metastasised kidney, bones, brain. This disease has turned him into an uncommunicative, unloving person who treats me like I barely exist. Some days I go all day with us barely saying a word to each other. If I ask him anything he just waves me away with his hand dismissively. Now Tumour in brain is causing personality disorder. He’s become unbearably volatile erupts into an uncontrollable rage. I’ve fought this illness with him with everything I’ve got, in the hope that we could beat it, and now it’s taken everything from me, from us. I feel broken. My life has become awful as I live with this Jekyll and Hyde. I’m so angry and now he’s just going to die and leave me alone with memories of what an awful person he’s become. I know it’s not him, it’s the cancer but I feel utterly robbed of my life as it was, and all I feel is anger and jealousy, especially when I see my friends and their husbands having a normal life together. I just cry all the time. Sorry for the rant but I don’t know where else to turn to to vent.
Hi Shanna16 welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to read your post and all that you have had to endure. You need not to be too hard on yourself, you are raging at this god awful disease and that's OK
. I don't know what to say to you to make any of this any easier except to say that others are thinking of you. I wonder if it mat be helpful for you to speak to someone at Macmillan by calling the
helpline. 08088080000. It can sometimes help to talk to someone . Can you take yourself out of the house for a little while give you time to breathe, scream or do whatever helps to get you through this.
gail
