Partner Getting Very Down

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My partner has been incredibly strong since I was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer just about a year ago. But after a failed BCG immunotherapy treatment, and recently a radical cystectomy the stress is taking its toll, and she sometimes says she can’t go on. I can only imagine how she feels. She says she / we have lost a year of her life. I don’t really know what to say, so I just listen.

I am not well enough yet to manage on my own, so she can take a break of a few days, which I am sure she would like.

I am feeling somewhat guilty that she has had to put up with this ordeal, and sometimes have wild thoughts, maybe we should go our own ways so she can get on with her life etc.

Any ideas as to how I can make her life more bearable / what I might say would be gratefully received.

thanks,

Leo

  • Hi Leo, as someone who is caring for my spouse, I can identify with the upset and I'm sure this is very stressful for you to see. Watching someone you love suffer is very hard and that is exactly what both of you are doing.

    It sounds like your treatment plan and prognosis has changed several times. Reconciling with cancer is an ongoing process. I have realized that things like procedures, new symptoms as well as prognosis and treatment plans also need to be processed and the pressure is cumulative.

    I feel better researching everything so that I know any potential issues. So if there is, I can say to myself "Oh yes, I saw that could happen" but for my partner, he couldn't think of anything worse to do. Do they have a way of dealing with changes? 

    If there is a Macmillan center or cafe near you, there may be groups that she can join, like a caregiver support groups, weekly/monthly meet ups, knitting etc. You could also see a macmillan therapist together to try and help the both of you communicate your feelings in a safe space.

    **You can reach out to your GP to see if they can organize a carer to help giver her a break**

    Check in with your partner regularly, encourage them to speak with others going through the same, to out friends and family regularly. Mostly ask them what the need.