Hiya, new to this whole online forum thing, but need to feel I am heard and seen. This last year has been A LOT.
My husband of 22 years was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year, had a heart attack this year and was diagnosed with bowel cancer 2 months ago. He started with Chemotherapy 3 weeks ago and ended up in the hospital for 5 days with sepsis and we are both in a blue funk from the trauma of it all.
He doesn't want me to tell anyone who isn't close family, which I can understand. Why go out when you aren't feeling well just to have people talking about cancer and viewing you with pity or as enfeebled? He needs to preserve his identity. I get it, I respect it.
My family is overseas and because of past experiences, it takes a lot for me to feel safe or comfortable opening up to someone, so have a limited group of friends..so I am feeling pretty isolated.
My partner and I have always been each others confidants but the pressure I feel really does affect my mental health. I just want a proper hug from someone and to say how I feel but feel guilty for wanting it. I have turned from my husband's lover to his caregiver, and I feel like I am going through the stages of grief for our intimacy. I'm not just talking about sex, if anything it is more things like cuddling, doing things together, talking nonsense and being the silly person you aren't in front of anyone else.
I feel guilty because I have told two people and I don't really know how to tell him I did, and have no plans to. He would be VERY upset over the loss of control but I know the two of them have the discretion needed to respect my privacy. Sounds strange but just knowing that there are two people I can say something to is a life line. I do try and not bring it up too much...no one likes a sad-O LOL.
If anyone has advice or insights I would love hear.
Hi Marsml
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it as positive an experience as I have.
It is not unusual for patients to want to keep a cancer diagnosis under wraps although there are really more people out their in a similar situation though at some point things might become more obvious. Sepsis is no fun either, my wife had that and ended up in a coma and was given a 50/50 chance that she would survive - she did fortunatly.
One of the things I found really helpful was when i walked in to our local Maggies it is great to have a face to face with someone who is a complete stranger though after 10 years on our journey many of them are now friends. It can be great too just sitting at their kitchen table and chatting because we are all facing many of the same issues.
I find quite a lot of help in your feelings when someone has cancer, recognizing the emotions and accepting them as valid can help make them feel less overwhelming.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi Steve, I appreciate the resources and have been reading through your feelings when someone has cancer as wel. Thank you for your words and for sharing as well. It has been a solitary journey and i many ways it feels like I am shouting in the wind. Hearing a voice echoed back is comforting 
