Family bereavement

Hi Debs welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear about whats happened. Families are strange beasts and we all have something there that does not always work in the way that it should be,  including myself. Im a great believer in if people need me I am here, but if they choose not to come, then I cant be held accountable for that and neither can you that your brother chose not to tell you and conversely you didnt want him to know. Ive also heard that saying that you can pick your friends but not your relations and it is often the case that sibling relationships are based loosely on being family members, but ones where nobody gets any joy from that relationship then its time to cut loose that relationship and focus energies elsewhere.

I hope all of this makes some semblance of sense and that I have not upset you further. But please dont beat yourself up too much hats past is past and cannot be changed. Sending hugs for now. xx  

Hi Gail

Many thanks for your wise words...when I get bad flash backs of the past...there is something that always say out loud or to myself...the past is the past...I cannot change, but I can change the future as I'm in the present..this helps ground me and pushes these memories back to where they belong, the past..

My brothers passing makes it 5 of my family to get cancer and so far only two of us, myself and my other sibling to survive this horrible disease..

My brother was the last person I expected to get this and it just hurts to know, no one even tried to tell us until 2 weeks after the fact...but your right it was my brothers choice not to tell as it was mine..

Debs️

Hi Deb sorry for your loss.  Family connections are difficult at the best of times but when you add  illness into the mix it just hightens emotions.   As always wise words from Gail. 

Hi Mick

I get what you mean...my relationship was always strained with my brother. But not knowing he died and it was over 2 weeks ago...well you can guess how I feel...

When our mother passed we made every effort to let him know about it, despite our differences. He is the 5th in my family to get cancer and the 3rd to pass away. My family has lived throughout my life with this disease (53yrs) so I would've thought they may have at least let us know...but I digress..

Thanks for your support

Debs

Hi Deb

I could have been in the same situation as I was estranged from my Father for many years but when he went into hospital (over 20 years ago) my mother's best friend contacted me to let me know he was poorly and if I wanted to see him  she would accompany me to the hospital.  His decline was rapid and although we never spoke about the past i think i took comfort when he passed that we were on speaking terms.  I  can only imagine what you are feeling.  Be kind to yourself and  try and look forward and not back.  Best wishes Michael 

Hi Mike,

I'm truly glad you were able to speak and say goodbye...I hope it gave you some closure, and I will take your advice..

Debs