52 Today

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Today my wife of 25 years turned 52, this morning we were told by her oncologist that her cancer that was found 2 weeks ago is very aggressive and has progressed to the point where she won’t be able to start chemo and she will be moved ont palliative care.

im sitting in the hospital now with her, she is in such pain, even with all of the drugs they are putting into her. They are letting me stay the night but my wife is crying out that she wants to die. I am in a state as she is soo sore I can’t hold her, we have a 9 year old daughter who is thankfully spending a few days with her aunt. I know the end is near and I’m not sure how I will cope with my job, my sauger and the missing part of our family.

it has been so fast but also soo low, I sometimes think the nhs could have moved quicker, or blame myself for not going private for the initial diagnosis.

I’m just not sure what comes next. The thought of sorting out the house, or organising a funeral , how my daughter we’ll be without her mum that spent much more time with her than me and also my health, considering my wife had never had a prescription for anything up until 3 weeks ago when this presented itself.

sorry for ranting I just need to get it out. Love to everyone in pain.

  • Hi  and see it's your first post on the Macmillan Community so welcome but so sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis.

    A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help you a lot........ I am the one with an incurable cancer so I am on the other side of the fence looking in.

    When it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your wife and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our ...........

             Carers only 

            Supporting someone with incurable cancer

    ……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.

    It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.

    You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.

    Please do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge

  • Update: My Wife was moved to Hospice today, I also hat a long talk with my 9year old daughter, letting her know that her Mum will not be coming home - we cried and cuddled.

    I dont know how I am going to do this, soo much unfinished business with my life partner, and also so much potential for my youngster. I am an older dad with my wife always being the healthy one. I am so scared.


  • Update: The love of my life passed away on Tuesday afternoon. Rest in peace my angel.

  • I am so so sorry to hear your news, please accept my sincere condolences.

    This is such a hard time for you to navigate….. but talking with others in the same position may well help so you may want to consider joining our dedicated…..

    Bereaved Spouses and Partners

    ……support group.

    There is quite a lot of information in What to do after someone dies and many hospitals have bereavement services who may be able to offer support.

    You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides practical information, emotional support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.

    Please do get back to me if you need further help .

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge