Struggling about my mums cancer.

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My mother told me she had rectal cancer on the 29th of march since then it’s spread and it’s now at stage 4. They’ve done a stoma on her and she has now done her first round of chemo she’s being positive I however am not I’m doing my best to be strong for her but I just don’t think it’s going to be okay. I knew that she was going to tell me she had it and then when it spread and she was given 6-9 months without treatment and maybe 12-18 with treatment. I feel selfish she’s the one going through this not me and I cannot even be strong for her I’m 23 I’m her only daughter and I have 4 older brothers. Mine and my mums relationship hasn’t always been great and now I feel like I haven’t any time left honestly I don’t know what to feel or who to talk too. 

  • Hi  and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about your mothers diagnosis. 

    A cancer diagnosis in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type or support challenges will help you a lot……. I have a completely different type of cancer and treatment journey.

    The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our……

            Bowel (colon and rectum) cancer

            Ileostomy, colostomy and stoma support 

    …… support groups. Thes groups are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.

    As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your mother and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……

             Carers only 

             Supporting someone with incurable cancer

    ……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.

    To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [ Black - Click to Join - Banner ] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.

    When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [ + Create new post] or [ + ] in the top right of the group page.

    You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.

    It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.

    You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.

    Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.

    Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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