Bowel cancer diagnosis

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My partner had a colonoscopy and they found a tumour so could not view the whole bowel. They know it is cancer and are arranging CT scans. They also took biopsies. I’m going out of my mind with the worry of a terminal diagnosis or that it’s inoperable or the fact that it has spread to other organs.

I don’t know how to calm my thoughts and I’m trying not to be upset in front of my husband but I don’t know what to do. 
He is acting very calm and that I’m itself is worrying me.

  • Hi  

    A warm welcome to our community though sorry to hear about what you are going through. Many in your situation I am sure will totally relate and many also say how the person with the cancer seems to be coping better than they are.

    Hopefully you will not have to wait too long for the CT scans and that might help you know a bit more about if there has been any spread but in the meantime it hard to know.

    When I look at your emotions when someone has cancer I can see many of the emotions I went through with my wife. When I did a living with less stress course I was able to see those emotions as normal and that helped to make them less overwhelming.

    One thing I found with my wife through our cancer journey is we are both now feel able to share our emotions more fully. It took a while and lots of help quite a bit from friends on here. 

    Do post whenever and if you find other sources of support grab them with both hands because lots of people will be in the same position as you but it often feels like we are alone.



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  • Thank you so much Steve. I really appreciate your response it helps me to feel a bit more normal. 

  • Hi beanie, as you mentioned in a response to my post we seem to be at exactly the same point in the process. I could have written your post - the outcome of the colonoscopy and the symptoms and feeling of shock.  My husband now has a CT scan on 31 May but we are still waiting for a MRI date. Then I assume we get an appointment to discuss the results and treatment plan. This is such a hard time as we don’t know what we are facing. I am inwardly in a  panic but my husband seems to just be taking it in his stride. 

    Sending you lots of positive thoughts and good wishes for straightforward solution! Keep in touch. 

  • Hi JD37

    thank you for our reply.

    its great your husband has a date for CT.

    We have not been offered an MRI just CT colonoscopy and CT chest. 

    Hopefully we can chat to each other and help each other through to the other side. 
    Sending you love and positivity and good wishes. Please keep in touch xxx

  • Hi

    we got a date today for CT chest and abdomen.

    They have changed the test which worries me as they got biopsy results today and now we are not having a CT colonoscopy so I’m now concerned as to why we are having a different test.

    my mind is on overdrive now with regards to the biopsy showing something bad which is why they are now wanting to check spread and it’s in 2 days time.

    I now am mentally going out of my mind with all the reasons for the change in test and I’d it because it’s an aggressive cancer that they are checking spread?

    just so frightened and my poor husband must be going out of his mind but keeping it to himself.

    I hate this it’s so awful for everybody who goes through this situation. 

    I hope you’re holding it together. Xxx

  • It is just awful, this waiting period is the worst and we are second guessing with no real idea!

    I can’t provide any insight on why there is a different test ordered, This is all so new to me. My husband has a MRI head to toe tomorrow and a CT scan colonoscopy on Friday. I am so hoping we hear about an appointment for results next week so we can get started on treatment. 

    My concentration is shot - we are both continuing to work which is really hard but at least distracts us! Hopefully you and your husband have something to help the time pass!

    Thinking of you and hoping this waiting period ends with positive news. 

  • Hi  

    It’s natural to be suspicious and concerned if something changes from what we expected. I remember being very scared when I first had a pelvic mri scan and then a scan of chest and abdomen was done directly afterwards without me being warned that would happen. 

    I came to understand that this was standard procedure and was ready for it at my next scan. It didn’t mean anything untoward had come from my biopsy, and my cancer hadn’t spread-it was just part of the process of making sure everything in the area was checked thoroughly. It didn’t mean my cancer was aggressive either, but checking for any spread is a standard thing. 

    I think the only thing you can do is focus on what you know now-not what may or may not be in the future because that can drive us crazy with fear and assumptions. You can of course ask the doctors why the first choice of scan is not going to be done and have them explain. I’m sure there will be a reason, but it’s a pity the reason wasn’t explained to you. 

    Sarah xx

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