Meltdown

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First of all I want to say that I'm very greatful to be 4 months in remission from Non Hodgkins lymphoma.

My wife and I separated while I was having treatment and although not divorced, and I see her everyday, we just can't sort our marriage out. It's over. She's also going through her own problems. So at the moment, we're a bad match. Anyway, I've always kept things under control, and my emotions, to a point. Until today. I was at work this morning feeling pretty low, and then it was like all my personal things in life came crashing down. The loneliness of cancer, being able to look back and realise how lonely it was going through it. Living alone while my wife and children were across the other side of town. Today it just hit me and I burst into tears and had to leave work. My wife doesn't even know. I don't know what to do.

Sorry about the rambling. Just feeling down and useless. Just reaching out to anyone else that might have gone through a separation during cancer and if your other half was also in a form of depression as well. I seem so ungreatful. I'm really not.

Thankyou for reading. 

  • Hi Gruffalo, I am afraid I cant offer you any experience of this, just wanted to say sorry you are going through such a tough time, I hope things feel better for you soon.

    Take care

    Much love Angela x

  • Hi Gruffalo

    It's been a couple of days since you posted this, so I hope you are feeling calmer now. I wanted to reply to you straightaway, but I've found it hard to write anything without sounding patronising, or giving you advice or solutions....when that may not be what you want. I've tried several times, and struggled. So here goes....

    I don't know if others who have gone through a separation whilst dealing with cancer treatment will reply, or those who have a partner with depression.....but I can respond to your hurt and anguish as a concerned human being! i hope that will do....

    You have done something quite remarkable, and courageous, in getting yourself through cancer treatment, whilst going through relationship difficulties, and presumably a change to your domestic arrangements...AND you're working, AND you're a dad! 

    I think, in my humble opinion, you have held everything together for so long without getting emotional, so now that you are in remission, your mind has decided to demand some of your attention now! Hence the meltdown. There is a limit to how much stress we can cope with before something 'gives'. It is understandable and I think probably 'healthy' for you to have an emotional 'storm'. It can't be good for you to hold it all inside for so long.

    Here's some suggestions....take up the Macmillan/Bupa counselling offer. Maybe talking with someone who is not 'involved' and is detached will help you express your feelings and thoughts. Also relationships counselling, if you think it may help you to move forward,

    Confide in a friend or family member about how you are feeling, if this feels 'right'.

    Give yourself some space....you deserve it!

    And remember that you have, with treatment but also with your own determination, been in remission for some months now. Hang on to that whilst your emotions are having a 'paddy'. You have achieved so much!

    Allow yourself to show your emotions....hit cushions, shout in the shower, whatever works for you!

    Hope you are feeling better

    Kate

  • Thankyou. 

    I don't know how to reply to this, but you're words are very comforting. I feel quite moved that you've gone out of your way to reply me such a caring lovely message. 

    Thankyou so much. 

    And I hope you're well Blush