Family insensitivity rant!

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Good morning.

I have endometrial cancer, now on immunotherapy for recurrence. 

In June it's our 30th wedding anniversary. To be honest didn't think I'd make it, but decided this weekend to go ahead and book a family lunch in Oxfordshire which sits in the middle of where we all live.

So I sent out an invite to my daughter in law, wife of my stepson. Lovely she replied, I will put the dog in kennels, but both granddaughters can't come as one on a school trip in France. My step family haven't met my brothers and their families for over 10 years, so thrilled it was on!

The rant was then triggered, when daughter in law messages to say she had forgotten they were taken youngest away for weekend in their van, with very barky badly behaved dog.  And they offered that stepson and granddaughter would come to meal. She would look after dog.

I was upset, as I felt this dog was more important than us and putting on a family front, but no he's not going in kennels, and neither will they change their plans with their 9 year old. 

I am so disappointed and now don't want anyone to come. We only see them 2 or 3 times a year mainly because of my treatment but I am looking really well and feeling not too bad despite all that's thrown at me.

Your thoughts?

  • Hmmmm, ok, try not to feel rejected because I am assuming it is how you are feeling right now.  Could it be better to rebook the lunch when you know everyone is together? If kids are off to France and they had already arranged another trip. It just sounds like bad timing and not a slight on you. They'd probably love you all to get together in a group. Don't let this one attempt spoil the chance of future ones :)  Cancer is stressful, emotions run wild, but good times can eventually come and when your lunch does, I hope it is a bloody good one :)

  • Yes it's the rejection that hurts, but see what pans out in the next few weeks. We've had such little support from friends and family it's felt quite tough. But even if it's a meal for a few we will bloody well enjoy it! 

  • Hi Grogulove 

    Think your post is great! It's always hard to organise an event for a large family....someone is usually missing due to being busy elsewhere. It happens with my family frequently.

    I agree with you that changing the date of the celebration is probably the best strategy!

    Just a few days ago, one of my sisters told me about a big family get-together being planned by another sister, as we have cousins from New Zealand coming to visit for a week. I felt quite hurt, to begin with, that no-one had let me know about it. It would take a lot of organising on my part to attend, as I now find driving long distances difficult, and there isn't a nearby train line! My family all live near each other in Yorkshire, and I'm in Scotland. I also have a dog which isn't happy being kennelled.

    I've altered my mind set a bit now. Travelling a very long way to attend a sit down meal? No chance to circulate and chat? I'd rather stay home and have phone or zoom chats with everyone! 

    Have a good anniversary celebration Cathy, whenever it happens!

    Hugs

    Kate

  • Hi  

    I feel I've got a few things in common with you. A similar thing happened to me regarding dogs and their level of status. A work friend of my husband said he would like to come round and see me as I was ill or on chemo, I can't remember which, was going to bring me a plant etc etc. He didn't turn up, no word or anything, then sends pictures of a dog he'd been to get on the afternoon he was supposedly coming round. Still no mention, no apology or anything.

    I read your profile, it is a bummer for us nurses to get cancer. We look after people, we are not the looked after! It took a while to get used to being a patient. I'm medically retired now as I don't have the stamina. I've also had the same type of cancer as yourself. Hope you get good results from your treatment and that your meal goes well.

    A x

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