Is my partner's behaviour in disagreements impacting well being

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My husband of 25 years seems to be continually stressed and his loud/agitated tone when he disagrees with anything makes me upset and drained, and is affecting our daughters mental health.

He seems to attach a higher level of importance to certain things than most people do, for example today not being notified verbally of when our daughters visitor left the house (we messaged him as it was more discreet). She has anxiety and thought her dad would adapt his approach especially as she had a panic attack yesterday. 

He seems reluctant to face feedback where someone understands the point he makes but refuses to accept his poor manners, is often loud and critical when I need a more gentle approach, particularly during treatments .  He has been critical recently during several emergencies (flat tyre and recovery vehicle, or a leaking window). I have had to deal with these on my own as he has been working away.  He's more critical when I deal with things differently than he would.

All I am asking for is more consistent consideration - i understand he's stressed (about his business as well as my health). It's impacting my emotional well being and I can't handle this much longer!

I'm stage 4 BC metastasis in the spine, leg, pelvis, liver and sternum - and don't want to waste time with this behaviour any longer!

  • Hi njl, I think you have answered this sad situation yourself. Maybe you just needed to write it all down. Its sad that you are so poorly and having to deal with this x

  • Hi  

    I'm sorry to read of the problems you currently have regarding your husband. These types of problems are a recurring theme. Anger, frustration and attempting to ignore the situation are classic coping strategies. They can continue for a while but in the end don't help as they lead to a crisis situation, which is where you are now. 

    The only way to deal with this is by discussing the problems on both sides. If you need some help with where to start, consider calling the helpline for some advice, this is the link to contact https://www.macmillan.org.uk/about-us/contact-us

    If you wanted to look into couples counselling, this is the contact for Relate www.relate.org.uk

    A book that was very helpful to me with this subject was Men are from Mars, women are from Venus by John Gray. It discusses how men and women cope differently with problems. I hope you can sort this out for your own peace. 

    A x

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  • Thank you for signposting me to what is very useful information, I will take some time to explore