Total denial

  • 3 replies
  • 16 subscribers
  • 631 views

I was diagnosed with liver and pancreatic cancer and blood clots in both lungs about five weeks ago. I have always worked so hard to give it up,I was a live in carer holidays three times a year recently returned from a month away.To now being house bound in excruciating pain so much weight loss, totally scared and very lonely even though I live with my daughter, grandson and son With autism he is 33.They all know but had to be explained at different levels for them to understand.But it's my daughter who I am very very close to.she has pushed everyone away, will not accept any support offered,I can't discuss it with her I get cut off,no emotional support and comfort for me so I keep everything in start getting ratty then get told off for being like it and all I want is to cry,talk about it express my feelings etc etc .this makes me feel so lonely.I can't afford to get my own place as now on benefits, sleeping on the sofa,on so many tablets.sge gets pissed off if I ask her to collect them.planbed a holiday away for her n my son from 16-22dec so I am home alone for Xmas which it maybe my last one but to her I am being stupid thinking like that.I help out around the house etc then she comments about me being on steroids n that's why I am like it, Eve though i have not eaten a meal since end of July lost 3 stone.was not allowed to tell anyone in the beginning ir was always wait to see what the result are,or what the specialist says.ppl have said she will come around but in the meantime I am breaking my heart.so glad my palliative nurses erc are so supportive.i dont want her to regret all this when I am gone.does it gets any easier.

  • Hi  I see that you have joined and posted in our dedicated Living with incurable cancer - incurable patients only support group. This will be a good safe place to talk with others who are navigating this unwanted journey.

    Do remember that the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    We also have our Telephone Buddy Service where you can be matched with someone who understands what you're going through, and they'll give you a weekly call.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge

  • Hi  

    I was very sad to read of the turmoil you are currently going through. Have you explained any of the above to any health professionals that are looking after you. I wondered if the palliative nurses would engage your daughter in general conversation with a view to explaining your condition and outlook. It may hit home coming from them. Another suggestion would be for her to attend any appointments etc that you may have. I'm sorry that you have this emotional pain as well as physical. As Mike said, do consider ringing the Macmillan helpline, they are very helpful and supportive and may be able to offer more suggestions. Best regards.

    A x

    What is a Community Champion?

    I am a Macmillan volunteer. 

    Macmillan Support Helpline

    0808 808 00 00 

    7 days a week between 8am -8pm

  • Hi...this is absolutely heartbreaking. I'm so very sorry to hear you've all this going on while trying to get your head around your diagnosis and deal with the pain you're in. Bless you. 

    I really do wonder if your daughter is in denial about the whole situation. Were you close before the diagnosis? I agree with Sistermoon who suggested someone from your palliative care team talks to your daughter. She's possibly feeling very angry about the whole situation. We all deal with things differently....and this is maybe how your daughter is processing this situation. 

    I'm so sorry for you and really hope&pray you get the love and support you need to deal with this. Take care. Xxx