Down in dumps

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 I usually write in lung cancer forum but this is more about I cant seem to find a reason. I know I'm lucky as they got it all I think, it seems docs have fallen off face of earth sense i was discharged. But lately I'm am plagued with nightmares i toss and turn all night and i feel so down , sad, depressed like i just cant find a reason. I've been recovering at my eldest daughter's while my 19 and 17 yr old took care of my house and dog. They live with me anyways. I've been here 3 weeks today and am through with blood clotting shots and theres not much else my daughter can do for me so I'm going home because if i dont i want ever want to.. I'm scared about going home on top of all these other feelings. I was a smoker and when they told me in june two days after my bday that i had a big mass in left lung and it was cancer they were positive of that i laid down my cigg cold turkey i now use the nic inhaler the hospital gave me.. i just dont know what to do with all these feelings and how to make them go away.. The depression and sadness are eating me alive. I have to mask for my kids (youngest 17) but that doesn't make it better it just bottles it up till end of day or until I'm in another room on my own.  Just had to come here and write as I dont know what to do with all these emotions and none being happy ones..

  • Hi Frazzled

    It takes courage and honesty to write down how you are feeling, and reaching out to others on here who may understand what you're going through may hopefully help you to feel more positive.

    Can I suggest that you contact the Macmillan helpline? You will get lots of support from them. Also, there is free counselling available, and it could be a good place to explore how you're feeling at the moment. It isn't a good idea to bottle up your may help in the short term, but finding strategies to help your recovery long term would be better, for you and your children.

    It sounds like you have a supportive and caring group of people around you. Maybe they do need to know how you're really feeling. They know you best, and will want to help you through this low patch.

    You clearly have the determination to get yourself well again! Giving up smoking and going 'cold turkey' takes a lot of guts!

    Although I haven't personally had surgery to treat my cancer, I understand it is common to feel low and depressed afterwards. Others on here may be able to offer more advice about this, and advice is available on this website about dealing with your feelings after treatment or surgery is over.

    I hope you do feel better soon, and can access some support to help you.

    Maybe getting home into your own place, and having your usual routines of looking after your children, and the dog, will give you something to focus on too.

    Please post again to let everyone know how you are getting on! You don't have to go through this alone!



  • Thank you

    I know my family has the best intentions for me. I have like one friend on here I made we had same op a day apart but bless her she is struggling more then me shes ended up with covid sense the surgery  and she lives a ways away from me and I dont drive and she doesn't leave her house if she doesn't have to. I have amazing work friends but I've been out on the sick sense june when I go home Tuesday am gonna ask my son n law to take me by home bargins (where I work) to get a few bits for the house and see some of my work friends. I've got 2 weeks left with my McMillan buddie and already had bupa for the 6 sessions they offer. The hospital has someone calling me on the 26th for an assessment.  It's all just overwhelming what kind of life do I have when it's over? Thank you for listening 

  • But it's like this week my one daughter has been trying to come.see me.sense thursday and because I'm at my other daughters she has told her not til sunday and then wake up today and tell her she cant come until tomorrow because her and her husband are busy and tired. I dont get it she was mainly coming to visit me but anyways I'll sit and do nothing while their busy.. this is why I chose to.go home before the 6 week recovery time was up.. it is really making me down that the people I'm staying with are set in their ways so I tske that into consideration and stay out of their way. But when I finally get to do something I dont get to cause their tired and busy. Sorry it's just upset me.. 

  • Oh dear Frazzled! It does all seem to be getting on top of you today!

    Are you living near enough to shops, a cafe, a pub, a park...anywhere you can get to easily to have a bit of a break/change of scene? Just for half an hour or so? Maybe meet with your other daughter outside somewhere?

    Are you able to walk a short distance? If you can't, is there anywhere in the house where you can be comfortable, and you don't feel that you're in the way? To stay with anyone for 6 weeks, when you're used to being in your own space, is a big ask, and there are bound to be times when it feels tense.

    Calling in at work sounds like a good idea too...but be kind to yourself and don't overdo it!

    Having an operation is a huge shock to your body, and psychologically too. Your mind has been on 'high alert' a long time, dealing with all the worry and trauma, made worse by the big C word. Now it has let go, and your feeling down is quite natural after all the anxiety.

    Look after yourself, take things easy. It takes a long time to get over surgery. Just take things a little at a time.

    I hope you are feeling better soon.



  • Yeah I sit in the bedroom she has set up for me and today is 3 week mark I'm going home Tuesday as theres no way I can do 6 weeks here. Unfortunately it's raining out and I cant afford a chest infection so outside is a no go.. but their fixing to go out for a bit. I just feel sorry for my other daughter as shes trying to stay sober and finding things to do helps her so not getting to come today leaves her hanging and thinking shes done something wrong for her sister to not trust her. I dont think it's that it's more they have a few things to do today plus they were put til half 3 this morning picking a friend up.from the airport so their tired..itll be good. She gonna come tomorrow I hope..