Holding 'realistic' discussions with partner

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I am feeling guilty and selfish. I try to talk with my husband about our situation, and I am naturally quite down to earth and blunt, at times. I accept that I won't be cured of my cancer, and there are signs that my immunotherapy treatment, ongoing, may not be keeping my tumours under control anymore.

My husband cannot, or does not want to face this. He insists that we have to believe that everything will turn out OK. I get quite frustrated by this, as I see it as denial. I can't really express how I'm truly feeling to my husband, as I know he doesn't want to hear it. I don't want to hurt him, but it feels dishonest to ignore the inevitable. Maybe I shouldn't even be trying to express my feelings to him? I have suggested to him that he might feel more comfortable talking things through with someone else. I don't feel comfortable trying to talk with him anymore, it feels too 'close'.

  • Hi  

    It might help you to look at your feelings when someone has cancer as it might help you understand how he feels.

    With my wife's cancer I really struggled and then I did a living with less stress course that really helped me. One thing that I came to realise is that nobody will live forever but I was suffering from anticipatory grief and that stopped me enjoying today.

    Talking is very important but it is amazing how talking to a complete stranger - or even trying on here - can help.



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  • Thanks Steve! That was a really helpful reply to my dilemma. Bless you!

  • I to am in a similar situation.i was diagnosed about six weeks ago with liver and pancreatic cancer everything moved so fast awaiting biopsy results.i live with my daughter and she is single and we are usually very close but now there is a huge wedge between us it's breaking my heart.she will not talk to me about it,refuses any support offered ,in total denial and very nasty sometimes.The other day broke me she was referring to not having any energy and commented on me being on steroids not like you we are all  not in steroids to give us a boost.my reply was we all haven't got cancer like me and I know which I would prefer.I went off crying then later after expressing she had hurt me her reply was I wondered why you were stomping around.Today I have been in total agony making me so snappy, irratable she was snappy bk explained how I felt then went for a hug n said how scared I am and don't want to leave the family she was so cold so yes I get you Hun but you are not alone at least ppl here understand each other.