First post,
My father had prostate cancer for 5 years under watchful waiting and two rounds of radiotherapy, now it has moved into the lymph nodes and bones so have been given a pallative care pathway with a view road few weeks to a few months.
Originally he was his normal self jokey, jovial and witty a week in and he's distanced himself from myself and my sister's who up until recently have all been extremely close to him. He won't speak about feelings, pain, what he wants to do he makes comments like when I'm better or we can go somewhere but then he's not eating won't move much and barely drinking.
I totally understand his body is not letting him eat or drink much but he is able to be hoisted to a rise and recliner chair or to a wheelchair to go anywhere , but he won't let anyone do it, he stares longingly from his bedroom window to the garden which he could sit in but won't.
We understand it's his wishes but it's almost like he wants to buy then just won't take the steps to achieving what he wants.
We feel lost, his choices are definitely making his illness progress, we feel he is not living he is existing yet he is still here, he won't talk to anyone so do we simply just accept or is it worth a Dr possibly speaking with him about depression if he will which I doubt.
We used to speak about a bucket list etc and he really was more positive but now it's like he has just closed the door to anyone and anything, we just want whatever he wants but time is moving and he is deteriorating more and more so soon the hoist which he went mad to get and now won't go in won't be an option.
I hope I have explained myself , we know it's his wishes but he has taken it so differently in the past week.
Thank you.
Hi Gingertom and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your dad’s diagnosis and prognosis. This is such a challenging and stressful time for everyone involved but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help a lot.
I am the one with an incurable cancer so can appreciate in part how your dad is dealing with his emotions but as a family we have managed to keep a very open conversation going so no one feels they are walking on eggshells.
As you see the Community is actually divided into Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your dad you may also benefit from joining and posting in our Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
