Feeling Low

Hi Candysmum sorry that you are  not feeling yourself .   Your post resonates with me in so far as my partner has fibromyalgia and has low days due to her  being in pain and having constant fatigue.    I know you have said you don't want to speak to your family and friends but my partners mood is lifted if she speaks to her best friend (they share the same sense of humour).   In the long term you could  obtain a  referral from your CNS to a counsellor.   Hope this helps in someway x

Hello Candysmum and I'm glad you've reached out for support hon.  That itself takes courage.  I'm not in the same position myself(yet) but I imagine when you're on this journey with incurable cancer you have up and down times.  It's not a stable road and the despair and fear of what's happening can be overwhelming.  To talk with others on the same journey who all have their own unique way of managing it I would advise you to join the - Living with incurable cancer- patients only" group.  You will be able to connect with people who have  relevant experience with how you are feeling.  I would also say to you, don't feel bad or guilty about how you're feeling, you're entitled to face things in your own way so be kind to yourself.  Take care x

Hi Candysmum 

Sorry to hear that you're going through a bad patch. Some of your symptoms could be physical, such as the low cortisol. I am incurable as well and get days like this, I felt like this last week. Have you got enough energy to go for a walk, this sorts my head out and makes me feel better. Have you had any counselling, that helped me with motivation. I read Dame Deborah James' latest book, how to live when you could be dead - this helped with goals and aims. Have a think about what you like to do, hobbies etc, what would you like to do? The incurables group is a good suggestion by Alottment lover . I am in this group and it's not all doom, we like a laugh, a bit of dark humour keeps us going. The best tip I've got is, don't watch daytime telly, that's enough to make me despair on its own. I remember going to hospital for an appointment at the start of the cancer nonsense last year and Holly and Phil were on in the waiting room, I was up the wall by the time they called me in!

Don't be hard on yourself, it's not easy trying to live when you're incurable. But think about short walks, I bet the scenery is fab where you live, take care.

A x

Thanks to everyone for your supportive messages! I'm feeling a bit better mentally now. Some decent spring weather would help!!

Always here to support and listen hon.  My daffodils on my alottment are very slow- I may have planted them too deep as the other plots daffs are already out!  Never mind it's something to look forward to I guess. Take care hon xx

Hi Candysmum!

Can relate to what you're going through I think. My situation is the other way around in that it is my husband who has cancer and I'm the one having to watch him go through it. He too recently seems to think it's better just to stay in bed for most of the day although he is not bedridden. This has never been him in our 37 years of marriage. He is in recovery from having sepsis also and that brings with it it's own set of after effects i.e mood swings, fatigue, mobility issues etc. He was very lucky he survived it as the hospital specialist told him he was very ill when he was admitted. This coupled with his bowel cancer just makes a disastrous combination. Hard to imagine this time last year we were getting our lives back on track thinking he had got rid of his cancer once and for all never giving it a second thought it would come back with a vengeance 5 months later. I just get the impression now he has adopted the attitude of `what's the point` and is in and out of bed most days just now turning day into night, and night into day with his irregular sleep patterns some nights if I waken at around 2a.m. I'll see the glow of his mobile phone or kindle reader.  He won't even try to get up to make himself a cup of tea or something simple like that saying he feels he can't stand for long periods. It gets me angry at times because of this but then I feel the guilt creeping in and thinking `can he really not do that`? It's just awful to feel this way and I just wish we could go back to 3 years ago before all this began to happen. 

I'm not surprised you feel frustrated and a bit angry(?) that your husband is struggling. You have had a lot on your plate with what has happened to you both. Some of this is very recent.. Have you suggested to him that he ring the Macmillan advice line for emotional support? They are very helpful, and have lots of experience of helping people through bad patches. There is also a group on here for carers of those living with cancer. I'm sure you'll get lots of support from others going through this too. They may suggest ways to motivate your husband so he can use his time more positively. Is there a drop in centre at your hospital? Mine is some distance away, but I try to call in when I can, as it is always good to be able to chat face to face with others who understand how difficult it can be for family and friends of a loved one with cancer.  I hope you can post more positive news soon! Best wishes

Hi PattyK 

I'm sorry to read about your situation. It seems as if your husband may be depressed, he has certainly lost his motivation. Would he talk to his GP?

It must have really taken it out of your husband, to have had sepsis as well as his cancer to deal with. He will be very fatigued but it might be an idea to try to get some routine re day/night sleeping. If he has problems doing certain things, does he need equipment to make it easier? A small walker with a seat may help if he can't stand for long. His GP or cancer team can refer him for assessment for equipment.

Your husband has survived sepsis and a return of his cancer, that in itself is a massive achievement and shows that he is strong. I think if you both can get some support from your GP then he may feel a bit better going forward. I hope the situation feels more manageable soon. Best regards to you both.

A x