Struggling with depression

Hi The Constant Gardener so sorry to hear about your challenges. This is not something I have had to deal with in all my 23 years journey with and being treated for my incurable blood cancer.

Yes, I have had some very challenging times (see my story using the link below) but my focus has always been on defining how I live life and not letting my cancer define me.

As a family we have always been very open and nothing is off the table so we have always talked our problems through and looked at ways to move life in the right direction.....we also have a great group of friends who have walked my journey with us so when the journey got tough they were right there to support.

I totally appreciate that not everyone has this network but 'talking helps'..... be it on the Macmillan Support Line....... through Local Macmillan Support in your area or indeed a local Maggie's Centre as these folks provide amazing.

You may want to call the Mac Support Line as they may well have suggestions as to support in your area.

Hello.  I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling depressed.  As someone who has gone through periods of depression throughout my life I understand how debilitating it is. I initially went to my GP, and with varying success.  Medication can help but not for long.  Talking therapy worked best for me but I had to wait ages for NHS support. Can you speak to your specialist nurse or contact someone in your health region? I know there are online support groups linked to my local hospital.  
I still struggle and have found that focusing completely on something physical (gardening, some sort of craft or art work) keeps me in the moment. It doesn’t last but for a few moments I’m taken out of myself.  
I’m sorry that I don’t have more useful suggestions and I’m sure there will be others here to offer good advice.  But please know that you have support here.

Thinking of you ️

Skaro

PS everything that TheHighlander has said!!

Thanks Mike: I do appeciate your suggestions. And I'm pleased you haven't been blighted by depression. It's a real bugger. I will try the Support Line, but to be honest, I'm a terrible at talking about feelings. My family openly say they don't bother asking me how I am: they just ask my wife!

My instinct was to try to resolve it on my own, but alas that's not worked out. Hence my post.

To be honest, it's jolly hard admitting I can't cope. Putting it in writing seems like the easy option. Actually speaking to a real person is, as bizarre as this may sound, rather daunting!

Hi Skaro.

So sorry to hear that depression has been a feature throughout your life. Right now, I don't konw how on earth you managed to cope! It all just seems so overwhelming to me. My heart really goes out to you.

I did wonder about gardening and doing some art. Two things that have both given me so much pleasure in the past, but neither of which get me excited right now. Over the years, I have done a lot of fell walking, climbing, long distance paths and mountain biking, but my health has put a stop to that. So I find myself flailing around looking for something to engage my brain - or distract me from obsessing about my cancer.

Its good to hear you agree with TheHighlander. I shall try to put my big boy pants on and face up to the scary prospect of talking!.

Hello TCG. After those outdoor pursuits you have enjoyed, you must be missing the outdoors. I know that I do when I can't go out. Would you be able to help as e.g. a marshall with outdoor events? I have done this when injured and I really enjoyed enabling other people to do their stuff. It also kept me in those social circles at a time when I was not able to actively take part myself. Once again I was checking the weather forecast and thinking about what to wear. Parkrun rely on volunteers for a variety of roles and so do various races. Have a look what is around in your area. I do hope you feel better soon.

Hi Constant  Gardener, you say you're not coping but in fact you are getting through this. Processing all that's gone on is part of the journey hon and yes sometimes we need a little help to see through the foggy bits.  Man is not an island and we all need support from time to time.  There's no shame in having help, chase up some from Macmillan.  Take care x

Hi LittleRunner,

That is a brilliant idea. A soon as I read it I knew yep, that's what I'm going to do! Thank you sooooo much for that pearl of wisdom and insight!  I'm a little embarressed I didn't work it out for myself to be honest. I've benefitted from marshalls and volunteers on so many events but it never once occured to me that I could do that. Even my wife, when I told her said 'Oh yes, of course! Great idea!' And then, after a moment, she said: ' Why on earth didn't we think of that?!' :-))  Just goes to show the value of reaching out for help to the community!

Again, thank you.

Hi Allotment Lover,

Thank you for that lovely message - and thanks again to everyone on this community.

I have been feeling quite ashamed that I wasn't coping. In fact, I was in two minds about reaching out on this forum. But the compassion and understanding shown to me by complete strangers is humbling. You have all been a much-needed - and much-appreciated - support. Thank you.

I like your phrase, Allotment Lover, that we need help to see through the foggy bits. The foggy bits. Yes, that sums it up very nicely. I really do feel like I'm in a constant fog - a dark fog. I know it'll take a bit of effort to find my way out, but the key thing is that I now have some potential solutions.

Again, thank you.

Never feel ashamed my friend, never.

Life is always up and down, my depression has been like that for over twenty years and I stand proud.  I've declared it on every job application and never once was I turned down.   Just turning sixty and coping with the unknown as regards my melanoma I still get those blurry, foggy, teary days when nothing makes sense. They pass and I try and  find small things every day that I enjoy.  You can do this, keep in touch and let us know how things go. X