Hair Loss

Max66, sorry to read about how you feel. The cancer journey is full of twists and turns resulting in some very difficult emotional times. I have an incurable blood cancer and have lost my hair 3 times over my 23 years. Everyone reacts to this differently, for me it was a sign that my treatment was doing its job........ but to others it is just hard.

Please don't feel stupid and selfish.......... as my oldest granddaughter (who is 11) says - this is all pants grandad.

You may find that 'talking' with a complete stranger may help...... Macmillan have many support platforms so do check out the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 as you can access emotional support or just a listening ear.

Do also check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.

Thank you Thehighlander for your kind words.

Wishing you all the best

Maxine 

Hi Max66,

As it's been said before"it's all pants" and it's all yours right now.  You say you've just started chemo so you've been diagnosed fairly recently I guess.  I just wonder if you "not looking right" is part of the bigger issue of accepting your diagnosis.  By accepting I don't mean "happy with" but realising that you have cancer and the treatment is planned to cure/shrink it.  I don't think we ever get used to the diagnosis of cancer, not ever.  But we can't stand still, the only two options are have no treatment or have treatment.  With treatment the side effects can be worse than the cancer symptoms!

For women I feel like our hair is an integral part of who we are, more so than most men.  We can feel sad, angry, frustrated and helpless in the face of the physical changes the treatment forces upous but what we can't do is ignore them.  You've got control already by deciding to accept treatment.  It's very important to remember that what makes you uniquely you is inside of you not on the outde.  My hair is now really short and I'm almost on the point of visiting the clippers but that's my choice and my treatment doesn't cause hair loss dramatically.  I don't have much money so for some years now I just sit naked in the bath with a mirror and sharp scissors!

I'm probably a bit older than you(59)) and have a 23yr old daughter and I certainly care less what others think if me and how I look.  How about trying a hair change app online where you can put your head into and change the hairstyle?

If you've a sympathetic hairdresser talk to them re a funky new short style you can move to maybe, you don't have to go bald right now.   All you want to avoid is the hair loss being very visible. How about some semi permanent tattoos when all your hair is gone (if it all goes)?   I've always worried my skull is an odd shape but now I really don't care.  If we are courageous enough to accept our diagnosis and have treatment hon then we're definitely brave enough to get a new hairstyle.  Nothing can stop it happening but as the jargon says we can change how we react. Grab the new outer you with both hands and keep control xxx

Hi Alottment lover, you are spot on with what you have written. Thank you for your wise words. My hairdresser is a personal friend of mine so she is coming to shave it short as it is getting very thin. Now I have taken that decision I feel a bit more relieved, not saying when it is done I won’t have a good cry about it. Once again thank you for the reply.

Wishing you all the best

Maxine.

Hello, I'm so pleased you've taken the decision and that your hairdresser is a personal friend, what a bonus. I'm sure she'll make you look lovely hon and well done you.

Cancer takes so much away from us I think, takes charge, takes over that I believe strongly we have to wrest back some choices for ourselves. You're still adjusting to all these horrible new things so it's normal to feel helpless in the face of cancer, doctors, nurses, scans, blood taking and chemo. But these things don't define us, you are still you and need the upper hand. Crying and feeling sorry for ourselves is part of the journey, a very normal part, I still do it.  Don't ever feel guilty and don't compare yourself with others as there is no need to. This is your difficult time and you do the best you can. It's such a myriad of feelings but let them all out wherever you can safely.  That feeling of relief is a good and positive one, keep on making decisions for yourself.  Even stage 4 cancer doesn't have to mean your life is over yet.  Have you joined the "life with incurable cancer" forum on here?  People at the same place as you, having similar thoughts and feelings may be beneficial as I'm sure that they will completely understand how you feel.  Remember you are a unique and amazing person who is also a wife and motherand whilst your caring family don't want to lose you I'm sure they respect this journey is yours alone.  As highlander says Maggie's Centres are brilliant places and worth travelling a little for plus any local Macmillan or palliative care could be of benefit.

Take care of you ️

Max66 Alottment lover

Thankyou for sharing this conversation.  

I went  from zero to Stage 4 in a matter of weeks and it’s really messed with my head. I am all over the place, scared one minute, trying to take control the next.  

I’ve got my second chemo tomorrow and am worried about my hair coming out too and I’m a bloke.  

Apparently I could lose my beard too. That  would be weird looking. 

Reading your discussion really helps, so thanks again. 

By the way the @ bit was to try and flag this to you guys. I’m new to this so not sure if it’s the right way to do that. Apologies if not. 

Hi Rameses as for tagging, you do indeed put the @ then the members community name but you then have to click on the blue highlighted box to inset the link - see below.

Ah, like this? Thought I had done that.  

Thanks for letting me know.

If I’ve done it right this time just let know. Every days a school day  

Thehighlander

No that still looks like it never inset the link. I clicked on the blue box and it looked like it was on the message but not when I sent it. Odd. 

Rameses

It definitely worked as your link to me goes straight to my profile - at times there are slight differences in the boldness of the completed links.

When you see the link BEFORE you hit reply it does show as a rectangle with the text but that disappears once the post goes live.