Nearly finished but feeling upset

It silly I've been receiving chemo since February first 2weekly then weekly and I've only got 4weeks to go but I now just want to cry all the time yesterday was my birthday and I had lots of lovely messages from people telling me to enjoy my day let everyone spoil me etc and I hated it I literally sat and sobbed for about an hour is this normal I should be happy only 4more weeks of feeling dizzy and sick not being able to walk more than 2yards and then just surgery to get rid of this lump followed by  radiotherapy and then it should be all over I should be feeling great because the future should be good why do I feel like this am I a freak 

  • Hi , a cancer journey is the worst emotional rollercoaster ever so what you are feeling can be normal but everyone will have a different degree of normal.

    At times a rational thought process is hard to find. We are so focused on the next treatment that it’s hard to lift our eyes up to see the future in front of us.

    My treatment lasted 17 years but even now coming up to 7 years out from my last treatment there are post treatment medical issues that are coming along but as I was told back in late 2013 that if my latest treatment did not work that would be it - I am happy to deal with the physical and mental ‘stuff’ and get on and live a life hard fought for.

    No answers from me I’m afraid but just wanted to say I hear you and understand ((hugs))

    Mike - Thehighlander

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • Hi Kentish maid, like you I'm coming to the end of treatment after one year and feeling very odd.  I'm not sure how I should feel but probably happy treatment is almost over yet I don't.  I'm scared, apprehensive, nervous, weepy, avoiding posting on here and really not sure what to do next.

    I'm a kentishmaid too as I was born in Canterbury a few years ago!

    Maybe we've kept up a poker face throughout treatment and reality is now breaking through?

    What's the reality?  Well for me it's just the neverending fear of recurrence, the 3 monthly scans and the knowledge I feel too young to die.  I think I will feel abandoned - by my doctor's and the wonderful team at my local chemo unit who I've almost looked forward to seeing every three weeks!

    I think more of us feel like this than have admitted, maybe it's guilt that stops us. Family and friends are all glad it's "over" for us but it's really never going to be I feel.  I'm going to try some studying and save for new Zealand as I almost emigrated there in 2017.  I've lived in Australia for 5 years so do have Australian citizenship.  But it's still a bit of a no-mans land isn't it?

    Take care and praise yourself big time for getting through your treatment and surviving this far hon Hearts

  • Thank you alottment lover 

    You could be right I guess we have the chemo for so long and we get used to the routine seeing the same nurse who you know are going to give you a full check every week and know just how your body is likely to react and the future is scary new consultants /nurses different treatment that you don't know how your body will react to and then going back to real life which has become this larger than life importance and it's scary that it might not be how you expected 

    I hope your treatment continues to go well and that you manage to get yourself to New Zealand for a fantastic new life ...we will beat this ...we will have long and good lives ...this is just a blip a bump on the road the cloud that will have a silver lining sending hugs xxxx