Year on

So it's been about a year since I was told I had cervical cancer  

I've become so emotional and just seem to cry at any moment or anything. Father's day was a bad day as I no longer speak to my dad (his choose) and so he doesn't know about my cancer and the hell of a year I've had. 

When I try and talk about my emotions I feel embarrassed or silly for feeling what I'm feeling. I've gone through so much this last year.. cancer, daughter going to uni hundreds of miles away, not been able to help her pack or move up there (was still recovering from the operation), not being able to go back to a job I love (carer), not being able to be mobile like before. 

My partner is surprised when we see the professionals that I say I'm still low and cry as he doesn't see me crying as I wait until he leaves or hide my tears. I still haven't contacted anyone as I've always dealt with my emotions myself or spoke to friends but as I can't do as much as use to I don't go out now without partner. 

I also feel no one will understand as they haven't been through it so the support I need I need to seek. 

Thank you for reading X 

  • Hi 

    I’m so sorry you are feeling like this. Some of us have been talking in the cervical cancer group about exactly this within the past few days. Perhaps you’d like to come back and post in there and have the support of others who can understand this very well? Or you can message me any time if you would like to.

    Can I say first of all that you you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or silly for your feelings. You’ve been through cancer and that changes us-it’s a lot to deal with. Many of us can identify with hiding our feelings and not admitting how we really are. Women can tend to think we have to be strong and positive all the time, but we are often not, and it’s hard to keep putting on a brave face when we are miserable. It’s also very hard to escape from the despair we can feel if we don’t ask for help. Asking for help can be very difficult-we have been discussing just how hard it is.

    I have issues with my mobility, I can’t get out of the house on my own, and I can’t work, so I recognise a lot of what you’re saying here. It really did help me to seek professional help, and I found counselling very useful. It can be easier to talk to a stranger who is not emotionally involved in the same way as family and friends and I cried throughout every phone call. But I wasn’t judged-I was listened to-and that was very important. I could say exactly how I was feeling and get the gentle reassurance that this was all very normal. Even feelings about family-you say you don’t speak to your dad and that in itself can cause a lot of conflicting emotions. My mum passed away before I was diagnosed with cancer, and I’d lost my dad when I was young. I felt upset and angry that I no longer had my mum to turn to, and it helped me to get those feelings expressed.

    I hope you’ll feel that you can come to the cervical cancer group and chat with us. We understand this and are there to listen and offer our support and encouragement so that you don’t feel so alone. And I can recommend accessing some professional help to talk things through if you can pluck up the courage to do that. 

    Please don’t feel you need to suffer in silence-you have made a big step by posting here about how you’re feeling. Sending you gentle hugs and letting you know there is always someone here to listen.

    Sarah xx

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