Helping to come to terms with end of life

Hi, My Partner found out in February that following an operation for skin cancer, that went to plan, his cancer has spread and is now incurable, he has been given 1-2 years to live and is on chemo to try and extend this as much as possible.

My partner is a worrier and always thinks the worst and I am finding it really difficult to keep him positive as well as myself.

He isn’t the most forthcoming with his emotions and I know he must be very scared, having been told he might not hit his 50th Birthday, and I would really like to try and find someone for us both to talk to locally in North Yorkshire.

Im worried that if we don’t talk things through, we don’t express and understand one another’s emotions, it’s just going to become a pressure cooker that will eventually explode and Id much prefer for this time to be a time we can enjoy, talk openly and honestly and make the most of the time we have left. Instead.

Anyone have any advice? 

  • Hi Toughtimes welcome to the forum and what a sensible approach you are taking to all of this which must be extremely difficult for you  both.

    I wonder if you may like to give the Macmlllan Line a call as they will have access to available services in your local area and can give you the details of these for you to make contact. 08088080000.

    I do hope that you get the opportunity to have the chat which is so clearly needed for you both to clear the air and find a way forward through all this.

    gail

     
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  • Hi .I have also found out my husband has an incurable brain tumor. It has only been 11 weeks since all this has happened. He can be very up and down depending on the day but stay strong and keep talking even if you argue, sometimes it helps. I am not an expert but I keep trying to involve him in everything that is going on which at the moment is very little. I am thinking of you both xx

  • Toughtimes,

    I was told "less than years, but more than weeks". 

    WTF does that mean, 6 to 9 months. Bull, it's all based on statistical information, best guesses and yes, the people making those guesses may be our experts, and we love them for that, but it's still an estimate.

    I obsessed on this for a while, and do fall back into that dark hole, but do you know what, everyone has a countdown timer going, it's just we are more aware of ours.

    I've been talking to folks on here who were given weeks or months like me, and they have had much longer, one lady over 10 years from what she was told.

    My view is i can't fix it, i can't change it, I'm just going to get the best out of it, every single day.

    The more time you talk to people on here the more support you will get, great bunch of people on here, they really help me focus on the positives and not to dwell on things I can't change.

    I'm going to speak to the support line and get some counselling because yes, I think it will be really helpful to speak to somone on a one on one basis. I'd recommend you do the same. 

    Take care guys,

    Rameses.