I'm not sure I am posting in the right place, and this is my first time posting but you need to start somewhere right? My Dad had cancer twice in 2017 - two completely unrelated cancers. He survived and is now 70 and doing well. I never really got over him having cancer, it knocked me sideways. It's left me with ongoing issues that affect my relationship with him. I worry every time I see him that it'll be the last time. It's irrational and makes no sense. He's healthy and recovered but I'm convinced each time is the last. I worry that I am ruining the time I do have with him - he's 70 and won't live forever, I know I'll loose him one day and worry that I'll regret how I spent my time with him while he is alive.
I am having some counselling at the moment to try and deal with it. My counsellor says it's similar to 'ambiguous grief' and that it might be helpful to try and find other people who feel the same way, but I don't quite fit into most support groups as Dad is cancer free and fit & healthy. I think I'd almost feel guilty mentioning it on some support groups.
Has anyone else experienced this?
Hi MissesDee and a warm welcome to this corner of the Macmillan Online Community although I am so sorry to hear about the challenges you are dealing with around you dad’s post treatment.
I am the one with cancer so I can’t bring anything specific to the table. I have been on my incurable cancer journey for over 23 years now, with some very dark times but I am over 5 years in remission so as a family our combined focus is on ‘living’ life to the full and not focusing on the what if’s…… as this would undermine all the hard fought victories we have won over the years.
I see that you have joined our Family and friends group, this would be another safe place to connect with others who may well understand what you are dealing with.
Great that you are receiving counselling, I don’t know if it is specifically from a cancer focused organisation but you may also want to check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and provide support for all the family.
Always around if you need further help in navigating the community.
All the very best.
Thanks so much for your quick reply, I appreciate it. I'm sorry to hear about your long journey with cancer but pleased youin remission!
Thanks for your advice, I actually fundraise for Maggies, I know them well. I don't think they have an online support group which is what I'm after (the closest branch is about a 30 mile round trip) but I will find out for sure 
Our local centre is open for a number of activities now and where I stay in Inverness in the Highlands of Scotland it is nothing for folks to do a 100+ miles round trips to come across to our local Maggie’s in Inverness - that says a lot about the services available ((hugs))
