Hi everyone, I'm in a complete emotional mess at mo. I went through ops and treatment for breast cancer mostly fine. But the last few weeks I've not been coping at all. I even got to the suicide stage, I'm ashamed to say. I was referred to the mental health team and am now on antidepressants. I think they are helping a bit, but I just don't feel like 'me' anymore. I'm scared, I just want it all to stop. I'm alive but not living, I don't find any joy in things and I just drag myself through each day. I see to get every bug going as well and I'm exhausted. The mental health team explained it as suffering with ptsd, which makes sense. But, when will it stop? How have any of you guys coped? I feel so alone. Please help.
Hi Gingerbreadman welcome to the forum. Why ashamed? There is nothing to be ashamed of, we all have issues and some cope differently to others so don't be beating yourself up at all. Many of us have been where you are including myself in relation to poor mental health. I absolutely crashed when my treatment was finished and I was not expecting it, so it took me a bit by surprise.
Some of us do get anti depressants and they do work so give them time. You will start to feel more like you soon and you will pick up the threads of your life and move forward. Just take a day at a time and you will get there and we will support you as best we can along the way.
In relation to the bugs, you will most likely be a little imunocompromised after treatment and again that will pass but again ii will take time and you will start to feel better.
There is a paper I want you to look up and read if you feel able and it may help start to make sense a bit about what is happening for you right now. Its called "After the treatment finishes, Then what" and is written by a Psychologist Dr Peter Harvey. It is a long article but I promise you it is well worth the read .
Pleas keep in touch and let us know how you are doing, but for now, I'm sending some huge big hugs your way. xxxx
gail
Hi Gingerbreadman, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this after all you've been through. After treatment is a time I'm already worrying about myself as I've only 6 treatments left. What you are feeling is probably be more normal than you think hon. Most of us think the diagnosis but is the worst and never think we'll feel that bad again. But the treatment ends and I'm thinking we're kind of abandoned after the cushioning of hospital, doctors, nurses etc. We're told the treatment is finished but we now have to live without all that support, we live with the worry it all might return, we have to get fit and well again and resume our place in the world. I like to call it a " new normal"
We're maybe unsure what's available for us now, if we've had treatment then the cancer has gone or reduced then are we as important as those just diagnosed? To me I'm still important but friends, family and care staff could feel it's all over and were better/cured and reduce support.
It's a huge, ginormous journey we go on, not to be underestimated. My heart goes out to you, you are special, you are worth it, you do matter, you are important in this world.
Never be ashamed of how you feel, be proud that you feel, be proud you got through your horrible journey with this awful disease and are out the other side. I've been on antidepressants for a long while for something unrealated to my cancer and even on them I'm up and down.
It does take a few weeks for them to kick in and I'm hoping you will feel a little more upbeat by then. Just take a day at a time for yourself, try and find one good thing every day however small it may be.
Your body and mind both need time to recover hon from the trauma they've been through so be kind to you because you are precious.
So a huge hug to you right now and have one whenever you need one from me. Please reach out to me, to all of us so we can support you to get through this. You are not alone. 
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