So Lonely

Hi,

I'm new to the group. Its not been easy for me to join a group like this as I am usually so independent. 

I was diagnosed with bowel cancer in January last year and was operated on in February. I was initially informed that they had got all the cancer but after a scan I was informed that I had inoperable liver cancer now and I only had a couple of years to live.

Dying doesn't bother me, I'm still working but must say I am getting weaker and weaker and more tired as time passes by. At my last consultation and scan I was informed I would be gone this year. Again this doesn't bother me. What bothers me is providing for my wife and family. Hence i'm still working as a landscape gardener. I feel ill all the time and the chemo really takes it out of me. 

The other thing that really upsets me is it seems like my wife and family don't care. Whenever I say i'm feeling rough I get a simple "I'm sorry" and that's it. I can understand to some degree that my family may not want to talk about it or perhaps they haven't accepted it yet. My wife's mum is seriously ill with MS and my children have a number of issues they need help and support with. This puts me at the bottom of the pile and I feel as though I'm just a pay packet. 

I recently said to my wife that I could have less than 350 days left to live and the response was the usual "I'm sorry". It seems to me that as long as I can bring the money in and pay the bills that this is all my wife and family want.

There is a lot more to this but the fact is I feel very isolated and extremely lonely, my daughters don't talk to me unless they want money and my wife would rather I isolate myself in another room. I am really struggling with this and with a history of depression it is getting me down. 

I want the best for my family but it seems they don't care.

Has anyone else experienced this??