Struggling with my hubby and cancer

Hi Mduck

So sorry no one has replied, as that makes you feel even more lonely. You are in a horrible position and helping someone who you feel ambivalent about at best is very hard. Screaming might be a good release sometimes - but maybe trying to speak to someone, like the Macmillan helpline may be a better option. Having your daughter struggling too is hard, so you are between a rock and a hard place. The friends and family forum on here is likely to be supportive for you too - more people are no doubt in a similar position. The assumption that cancer patients are nice and deserve lots of support is not a true reflection of life . People who have been nasty, ill tempered and selfish just go on being so, unless they have some damascene conversion. Sounds like you may have put up with awful behaviour for a while. Maybe sometimes we need to express how lonely, helpless we feel and that includes to your husband who no doubt is struggling with his own fears, but that doesnt mean you cant be honest and not always just supportive. You are a worthwhile human being and deserve support. Ring the helpline as a start, a place to vent and seek advice.

xx

Only just seen this while looking for guidance with my hubby who has bowel cancer and has started to become very angry - with the situation but taking it out on me. I am here if you need to talk. It’s a dark place for the carer as you’re doing everything for them yet they seem to show no thanks or appreciation and you hold it together for family and show them the positives. I agree with the other reply, the help lines are for you too not just your husband. Definitely find someone to talk to and I’m happy to be that person if it helps. Just try to remember that it’s not you he is angry at but you are someone he can let his guard down with and you then get the full brunt force of it xxx 

Thank you for replying I wrote this s few weeks ago it's not got much better sorry about your hubby hope you get the help you looking for I find I'm struggling more than I ever thought I would I cared for my dad and watched him suffer but my dad wasn't my hubby just wish there was a bit of light at end of tunnel or happiness in some area of my life sorry sounds do awful I'm not the person all this has made me I'm usually funny positive and the person who cheers everyone up xx

You dont need to apologise.  You have done nothing wrong at all, and I do get it.  I'm usually very positive but this journey has been so hard. Today my husband lost his shite with me for no real reason and I just felt utterly broken as I have been doing everything trying to hold us together through his cancer journey.  You cant go on like this, its not fair on you.  Have you called the Macmillan support line? They are there for us carers as well as the individual with cancer. We need to vent to someone and i'm lucky that I have family that are always reminding me that I need to take care of myself too.

I wonder if your hubby is like mine and really struggling with what has happened to him?  The food pipe sounds awful.  My husband has a stoma and hes so angry about it, he hates it.  I see it as saving his life but he sees it as a reason he cant go on. Today i asked him to get some help, either to talk to someone or go back on antidepressants or something but not to carry on like this. He finally agreed that he does need help. Given what your hubby has been through he may be in the same position and just doesnt know what to do but be angry with everything around him? 

Are you able to get some time with your daughter or any friends this weekend or next week? Just you?

You can message me any time, even to vent. Youre not alone. 

Hi Mduck,

I hope that you have now been able to find some support, it sounds as if you are having a really difficult  time looking after your husband and supporting your daughter. 

This would  be hard in normal times, but getting help is even more difficult in the pandemic. 

I see from your profile that you have a dog, I hope that walks and doggy cuddles give you some respite. 

Hi Sal me and my daughter got appointment at McMillan on Tues see what help support we can get.Hubby not feeding hadn't for 6 days won't talk to me about what going on I'm at wits end I'm phoning hospital to let them know tomorrow whilst he at the hospital so they can perhaps help. Yes my dogs my lifeline she getting old now bit like me but I walk her twice day xx and she snuggled by menow 

Best wishes for your appointment tomorrow. I hope that your dog hasn't been too bothered by the fireworks. 

Thank you Sal u let you know how it goes wasn't too bad last night the fireworks so she was ok xx

Mduck, hope things are going ok? Or as well as can be expected? Xx

• Things bit tough  at mo hubby won't feed on his food pipe he has had nothing for ,6-7 days and he do weak I've contacted hospital for them to see him and maybe help very stressful at mo won't listen to me hopefully they see him while he at hospital today having radio therephy x