I was diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer stage 1a just over a year ago but I need to lose a ton of weight before they'll do a hysterectomy so I'm currently in limbo, just waiting. In the last few months I've had what I call a 'neon sign' in front of me that says 'What's the point?' and this applies to almost everything I do in my day to day living. I've recently joined an online group with my local health agency that has a lot of meditation, mindfulness and relaxation exercises but each time I start, in to my mind comes the 'what's the point of this' and I give up. I feel this thought is quite rational, practical, very sensible and not just a 'depression' episode. I honestly believe there's no point in doing things - all those things on the list of 'positive things to do to make you feel better' just seem like temporary fixes to me. Maybe when you're on a cancer journey with all the worries and health problems that come with it, that makes a difference to a 'normal' way of living your life. Maybe I've just given up on myself knowing that what's ahead won't be any fun. Somehow I need to pull the plug on my neon sign but honestly....what's the point?
Hi F4Fruitcake….. I have been mulling over your post for a few days. I can understand in part where your coming from but as each cancer journey is individual to that person others will not have a satisfactory or even helpful answer.
For me, I have had many occasions over my 22 years on my incurable blood cancer journey where I did say ‘What’s the point?’……. but very quickly my Neon Sign blows a fuse and a new sign lights up with ‘There is always hope until there is none’
My journey (see my profile) has been full of twists and turns resulting in a life changing decision having to be made - a final role of the dice moment…… I look back in appreciation as to what can and had to been done for me to still be around….
Maybe I've just given up on myself knowing that what's ahead won't be any fun.
I would suggest you throw your Neon Sign on the scrapheap and get another one saying ‘Believe in myself and believe this can be done’ ((hugs))
Hi Mike. Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it. After I posted my post I was quite disturbed at how depressing it was and I thought how could anyone give an answer or words of support to that?! I've read your profile and goodness me I thought I had problems. My jaw dropped at what you've been through and for so long too. Your medical record must have its own filing cabinet (not trying to be funny there). I think for me having no family or friends around isn't helping so I'll be glad of the support and advice from the folks on here and the Macmillan team. Also, I've lost a few members of my family to cancer in the last ten years so I think that has been part of my 'what's the point' mind set too. My mother had womb cancer (when I was a child) and she had a hysterectomy and lived well for many years afterwards (up until she had leukaemia in 2002 that is) so I'm going to keep that in mind and not worry so much. I liked your comment 'battle between the ears' which I agree is different to the physical battles everyone goes through. Thanks again and take care. Louise.
Hi again and I do like your picture.
It often takes something simple like putting up your post to start to help you pigeonhole some of the stuff that is buzzing around between our ears.
Yes my journey was rather long and yes my medical file is rather big and needs it’s own trolly to move it about the hospital 
I feel for you having to deal with this on your own……. but the community is always here to help and support.
Do check out for a Maggie’s Centre local to you as these folks are amazing. My local Maggie’s (Inverness) have been a great support to me over the years, I am surrounded by family and friends and they have been amazing…… but only my wife ‘gets’ the full journey I have been in so talking with one of the support worked was a great place to find a different type of support.
Do also check this link to the Macmillan Buddies Telephone Service as there are people waiting to talk and support.
I think it’s important to live our lives with as little regret as possible, yes there is always challenges but the negative parts of life need not define who we are and what we do ((hugs))
Hi F4Fruitcake,
Your post has really struck a cord with me. I've read through it several times and tried to find words to reply to you, but in actual fact, I agree with all you have said. I feel exactly the same as you are describing.
You are not alone 
.
For myself, I have come to the conclusion that it's part of the journey and that at some point, I will inevitably snap out of it and find an inner strength to fight with more conviction.
Its perfectly acceptable and perfectly OK to feel this way. Every day brings new challenges and finding the right mindset is never going to be straightforward.
Your neon sign will soon pale, as will mine.
Always here if you want to chat or vent.
Take care,
Tan 
xxx
Hello Tan. Thank you for your reply, that's great. I think I've really stumped people with my 'what's the point?' post! I'm glad you seem to understand where I'm coming from. I think the 'being part of the journey' is a good way for me to move forward, to accept and even welcome my 'sensible' thoughts. I going to try and add an addition to my question each time it flashes in front of me - try to answer it each time. 'What's the point.....of going to the zoo.....because the penguins make me laugh', something like that. Thanks again for your thoughts. Take care, Louise.
Hi Louise (my oldest daughters name) my oldest daughter and family used to live in Edinburgh just across the bye pass from Swanston Brasserie at the foot of the Pentland Hills.
We have had lots of great visits over the years. They have now moved down to Surrey setting up the next part of their in home elderly care business but they and our three granddaughters are up the end of the week 
I can’t overestimate the benefit that talking with a cancer support worker would bring…. They provide a different and at times challenging approach to getting through the journey, not just surviving but living.
At the same time I started my main chemo two very good friends were also diagnosed with their type of cancer. They both died within 6 months if their diagnosis……. I immediately was struck my ‘survivors guilt’ why could I survive for so many years and they got 6 months. I had a few sessions with a Maggie’s Support worker and the main thing that came out was a discussion that my friends and I had a few months before they passed “let’s agree that the last man standing lives a full life in celebration of the others who went before”
I am doing my best to do this and helping out on the Community is just one way of expressing that honour to them.
Lets keep the conversation going as you are not alone ((hugs))
