I need help. My father was diagnosed with Prostate cancer earlier this year and has had a couple of rounds of hormone injections, and was about to start radiotherapy last week. Because he wasn't able to clear his bowel, they postponed the start of his treatment by a week to work on that.
But I'm here to help my mother. Or at least find people's strategies for guiding her to seek the mental health help she so obviously needs. It became apparent after the treatment postponement that she was on 'the edge' (as she described it). Her M.O. is to absorb and bury stress and worry. She has 'black days', then they pass, so she thinks she's ok again. Then, like a weed, they come back. She's caught in a terrible cycle. She doesn't talk to anyone about what's on her mind. I've tried in the past, and didn't get anywhere. It was clear there was a lot more under the surface than I realized. There's stuff going back years, a lot of guilt about a lot of different things. Meanwhile, when we chat on the phone, it never gets mentioned and we just pretend everything's fine. It's really difficult to confront her about these issues; her barriers are so high and so permanent.
But it's all in her head. She's someone who 'doesn't want to burden anyone' with it. She also sees no point in 'dragging up the past and analysing it'. She sees getting upset as something negative, rather than as part of a process. She needs the help of a professional counsellor, but I can't even get her to come onto these forums for an emotional outlet, or at the very least, to vent. I think she's depressed, but I really think some CBT and counselling will help her so much. It's helped me in the past.
So I'm worried about her and don't know what to do next to help. I've considered calling her GP to express my concern (she's in the UK but I live overseas). I know I can do that, but I wonder what good it will do when her barriers come up again.
I really appreciate anyone's thoughts; maybe you've been in a similar situation and found a way to help a parent or family member get the help they need and deserve.
Hi Worried75 welcome to the forum and sorry to hear how challenging things are for you
It a difficult one for you as no matter what you do they sound like they have their own way of dealing with things, and whilst that may not be the best it is difficult sometimes to get them to see that there are other ways to deal with things.
It may be the best to have a chat with the GP so that they have the heads up and know how things really are but maybe don't look for too much change as a result. It sounds like they have their own way of dealing with things sometimes the only thing that you can do is leave them to find their own way sadly. Not an easy one for you especially when you are so far away.
gail
