Friends don't really understand

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Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed with Acute lymphoblastic Leukeamia at 16 and am now 18 and am currently over half way of my 3 and a half years of chemotherapy.

Since being diagnosed I've missed out on a lot (rugby, holidays, school and other normal activities for a teenager). I'm now in maintenance phase of my treatment which means the chemo is not as intense so I'm back playing rugby, school, going on holiday (sadly covid kind of ruined that) as well as meeting up and messing about with my friends again. Despite being able to do all this it still feels weird with my mates, I don't feel like I could talk about my experiences or how I'm feeling that day because they wouldn't understand as they haven't experienced it themselves.

I also dont know how to tell people I'm still on treatment and that it still affects me, some people think because I look more 'normal' that I have finished treatment.

Finally, I've ended up losing friends because of the long periods of time I spent away from them. Now, that I'm back doing everything again I guess they feel like I'm a different person because of cancer, while its changed me I'm still the same.

Has anyone else felt like this?

(Not sure if I should have put this in the diagnosed at a younger age forum)

Thanks in advance

Sorley

ownedbystaffies over 3 years ago

Hi Pizzaandolives

I think being so young and having missed so much and then to top it all - covid - is so hard. You are still very young and been through a lot. I think no matter what age you are it is hard for others to understand, especially when as you say, you return to something like normal life, but are still going through treatment, People often dont get it, and there are so many narratives of people "getting over" cancer, so people tend to think there is a binary - you recover or you dont, and they fail to understand that treatment can go on for a long time and still affects you even though you look "normal" . You posted on another thread that you found talking to Macmillan helpline useful because it was more anonymous and not in person. Telling friends how it is for you, is a very different thing. But I would hope that among your friends there are those who would want to understand but may be too scared to ask you. It might be you have to grasp the nettle and mention ongoing treatment and be open to questions. If you are too scared to raise the topic, then it is inevitable others will be too for fear of offending you or putting their foot in it. Those friends who you feel are lost becuase of the time away, may not be lost forever, and hopefully news ones will be made too. You dont need to be ashamed or embarrased about your illness and treatment, you have coped and you are surviving and getting on with life, and that is to be celebrated. Good luck.

winkers60 over 3 years ago

Hi Pizzaandolives,I would hope that you have friends that could support you if you do talk to them.I appreciate that this is hard but it is worth trying.When I was diagnosed my sister thought I should let some friends know.One of them was an old boyfriend from over 30 years ago.He has been so supportive which has suprised me as he is very quiet and shy.He’s phoned,sent texts and cards and his father is writing too.It’s really helped especially as my mother is declining fast in a nursing home.I’ve felt like you,I think most people who have cancer feel like this.You are still you but you have been or are going through something life changing.Best wishes Jane

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