Hello,
My sister has stage 4 ovarian cancer and this week she saw the consultant and got scan results. Her Pleural effusion has got worse and she needs to go into hospital to have it drained. Our Mum has Parkinson's. My Dad had his hip replaced this year. I am 46 married, with no children (not by choice) and my sister is 43 , single and has no children either.
My sisters scan results have sent me into a panic. I am so scared that I am going to end up on my own with no family. It makes feel so sad and lonely. We all have to lose our parents at some point, so though not nice, I know I have got to go through it. I am devastated that my sister has cancer, we are so close, she is my best friend and we phone and see each other all time. I don't know how I could ever go on without her.
My husband has been wonderful, but my sister is better with more emotional things. I feel so sorry for him, he didn't ask for this and I feel awful for not giving him children.
I have suffered anxiety, depression and panic on and off for years and my family, especially my sister support me through. I really feel that I need their support now, but I don't feel I can ask and need to be strong them. My parents have their own issues, but are both devastated by my sisters diagnosis. I don't want to burden my sister, she has got so much to contend with and how can I tell her I am scared about losing her. I do cry a lot around her, it just comes out. My Mum tells me we have got to stay strong for my sister, but I am dying inside.
I feel so guilty, but I can't help feeling lonely and that I will have no one. I think who is going to look after my husband and I when we get old and who are we going to leave our money to, what is going to happen to all my family photos and heirlooms. It is truly awful.
I have had a course of counselling via Talking Therapies and I have been on anti depressants for years.
I don't want to waste the precious time we all gave left together, but I just can't turn off these awful thoughts and feelings.
Thank you for listening.
