I’m in my mid 30’s and I was recently (in April 2019) diagnosed with stage 1a melanoma and currently experiencing soul-tearing emotions, fear and panic. And although my friends and my sister try supporting me, I still feel completely alone and broken. I haven’t shared it with my parents as I don’t want they to panic and loose their sleep...
I also never had an experience of any cancer type in my family, but I lost two friends, who passed away from different cancer types, which adds more to my anxiety.
My dermatologist seems to be a very good doctor, who very clearly explained what’s next and what I should expect, but my brain is playing mad tricks with me that I can’t overcome by myself...
after all tests and surgery I went through my doctor told me I should try to calm down, but these thoughts like “what if... not all cells were cut out, or what if it spread but was not yet detected it test, etc etc” just make me go totally mad...
i will be so grateful for support and experience exchange!!!
i am wishing all a strong health and peace in mind and heart!
You sound like you’re really struggling with this. I’ve been told that cancer can be as much a disease of the mind as the body and I think there’s a lot of truth in that.
The kind of fear and sense of isolation you describe are very common. The What Ifs bounce around our minds and anxiety takes over.
I can only speak for myself, but I’ve found meditation to be very helpful. I use an app called Headspace. It’s helped me to see my worries for what they are - just thoughts - and to uncouple the feedback loop between anxious thoughts turning into anxious feelings in my body which tell my brain that there’s something wrong and creating more anxious thoughts. I have learned to notice my emotions and to realise that although I do feel anxious, I also feel joy, love, irritation, optimism, in fact all the things I’ve always felt. It’s like lifting a heavy blanket.
It is not a magic wand, it takes time and it takes discipline but in my book, ten minutes of sitting quietly and meditating is well worth it.
Hi Daloni, i really liked your post and can identify with the'disease of the mind as well as the body'. I have been having feelings of anxiety around indecision about whether or not to have PCI radiation to my head as is very common to spread from lung to brain. I am experiencing some 'what if's' and it is dominating my thoughts too much. I do meditate as it happens and find it helpful,but have slipped off it for a short time. For me meditation is being quiet and just listening to that voice within and sometimes waiting ,usually the answer comes and decision is made,i hope it comes soon as will see oncologist next week. Thinking a certain way certainly affects how we feel,Most of the time i make up my mind to think all the positive thoughts that there are and most of the time i feel emotionally good,however, fear has taken hold just recently,so i guess it's time to get more meditation time in. Thank you Jaunty
I am sorry to hear anxiety is getting the better of you - although it’s understandable with such a big decision to face, I’m glad you found what I wrote helpful. I’m going to return the compliment as I’m feeling unaccountably uneasy and sad at the moment. You’ve reminded me to go back to the meditation as I’ve lapsed recently and got out of the habit. I’ll practice what I preach.
Hi Daloni, thanks for your reply. Anxiety in this case is about indecision and not being able to control all of this,acceptance is the key and meditation helps me to be mindful and aware. The answers to my indecision will come when they are meant to.Meditation is also relaxing and helps me let go of the stuff i can't control or have the answers to in the moment,so i don't spoil living in that day,and all the days are special and precious. Enjoy your meditation,sending you hugs Jaunty xx
