Sudden feelings of anger and despair

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Thanks Johnty. Maybe your right. The thing i cant seen to hack is this Lady has been My LIFE for over half of it. Our silver wedding is in april and this Cancer has arrived and I know we have a limited time left together. I am neglecting myself your right but I just cant seem to scream. My wife will then know she has misheard something. I dont know whether i'm being selfish expecting her to have treatment just so that i have her a bit longer. I dont know!

Good luck with your Cancer and i hope you keep it at bay.

john

Hello Handson,

I'm Terry and I was diagnosed with Cancer in December 2018.

'Wiped out and emotionally drained' is an understatement' there is nothing of any precedent that can compare to hearing that diagnosis from a Doctor.

I do hope and wish you the best recovery you can have as you, and I, and many others will now go through in their life.

I find it somewhat cathartic to write on the macmillan blog site, its a great alternative to standing in the middle of a room and screaming "none of you have a bl**dy clue"

I consider myself very lucky in that my cancer has a decent prognosis BUT it is incurable and will be with me for the rest of my life. It is somewhat 'lazy' in it's progress, but it means I need to be vigilant and treated for the rest of my life - pretty shitty when all my plans for retirement with my kids and grandkids are just around the corner.

The reason I'm writing to you now is to say that five months in, I've gone from Hysteria to a dull ache 24x7 in my belly, that this is what I now am. 

I'm now signing up with a clinical psychologist to try to get my head straight (depression can have a negative effect on our immune systems and give cancer an opportunity to thrive so do EVERYTHING you can to keep your immune system in tip top shape.

We haven't told our kids yet - they are late 30's and have their whole life in front of them. I'm sure we will when the time is right. My wife is a Saint, I adore here and she is my rock, but I also worry that behind her strength she must also be hurting and I ned to figure out how to deal with that.

If at all helpful, be great to talk to you further. God bless you and your family and I wish you all the best in BEATING this damn think that does not choose its victims. It just happens.

Terry

Hi Handson, so sorry to read you are feeling wiped out,it must seem like waking from a dream or something similar. Not sure what HER 2 positive is though. I travelled to hospital 2 days ago for my half way through chemo ct scan and the journey felt surreal like i was making it but wasn't,really, strange feeling .Just try to keep moving one step in front of other  your 12 doses, face them one at a time don't focus on the 'job lot' that makes it feel overwhelming,you can do it one at a time not 12.at a time,you are still stronger than you think  hugs  Jaunty

Hi Handsone,

I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer (2cm) in April last year, and had chemotherapy/radiotherapy and like you I’m  HER2+ however I’m doing so much better, 12th injection yesterday another 6 to go! I never thought I’d get to where I am today but I’m back at work, although it was tough returning to my job, it helped me realise I was doing okay. At the beginning of treatment I kept thinking this will never end as I so desperately wanted normal again meaning I wanted my life with my family and friends and my work. I now had endless hospital appointments, chemo side effects, anxiety and stress and loneliness I’d never experienced before. My husband and sons were amazing. They attended chemo visits, made me delicious meals, helped me bath and told me how much they love me but I felt I didn’t want to burden them with my fears as I could see they were worried. I attended a HOPE course run by MacMillian at my local hospital. It was the best decision I’d made since my diagnosis. I was able to be totally honest about my fears and speak openly about the anger I felt. I’m feeling hopeful and I’ve truly learnt loads about myself and yes I’m kinder to myself these days. My hair is growing back and I’ve this pixie look which I love now and would never have tried before. I wish you all the best with your treatment. 

Cooper11

Hi Cooper11 wow you have made me feel so much better. I  am trying to take things a week at a time and have my 2nd Herceptin injection tomorrow. My chemo finishes on the 19th June but it feels like I’ve still got such a long way to go . 

I am managing to work 2 mornings  a week which is good but I am tired and abit up and down still.

i will look at the Hope course as I think it will help me and I am being kind to myself ,

love

Handson