Abandoned by my daughter

Hi Kez

I am sorry to hear that you have had a diagnosis of breast cancer and that you are feeling abandoned by your daughter. I know that with any diagnosis it can really help to feel you have support around you.

I wonder whether your daughter may be having difficulty in coming to terms with your diagnosis and this is why she is struggling to keep in touch. Although she may not be texting or calling you it does not mean that you are not on her mind and that maybe she is trying to process it all.

I was lucky in that I did have a lot of family and friends around to support me however at times having cancer can still feel isolating. I also found that people would deal with things in different ways. Some people would text or call daily. Some people preferred to come in person. Some people preferred to be given little practical things to do. Maybe there is something practical that you could ask your daughter for help with? Pick up medication/shopping perhaps. 

I wonder if it would be worth texting your daughter once every few days to give a little update. Things like- just to let you know I have seen the doctor, all went well and treatment will start in 2 weeks. In this way she is being given time to process it all and is aware of what is going on without putting pressure on her. When my Mum had her cancer I can remember being busy with work and daily routines and I did often feel busy and tired- in some ways, keeping busy was helping me deal with things. 

You absolutely though do need support and we are here when you need us. Do give the Support Line a call if it would help to talk things through with someone. They can also have a look in your own area to see if there is any support local to you. 

I hope that given a bit of time your daughter will feel more able to offer some of the support you need. 

Jane

Hi Kez,I’m sorry to hear this.If your daughter has supported you before then I agree with Jane that she may be struggling with your diagnosis.My sister supported me during cancer but abandoned me as soon as our mum died.I know now that she was finding it all too much to cope with.I do understand the hurt you feel,it is horrible.I hope your daughter will get back to being supportive.It’s especially hard if you don’t have much other support.I don’t feel people understand that not everyone has loads of friends and family to support them.I only have my partner and sister.Take care love Jane xx

Hi Jane thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I do have some very close friends that will help me so I’m not completely alone but my daughter really is my whole world so I’m devastated she’s retreated. I agree with you it is likely to be because she is not coping with it all but it still hurts me that she’s not supporting. I hope it will improve with time. Really appreciate you taking the time to respond. Take care. 

Also I’m very sorry to hear your mum passed and you had difficulties with your sister. Life sure can be difficult. Take care. 

Hi thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It’s interesting to hear your experience of how your friends/family reacted differently and helped in different ways. I’m at the start of my journey as I was only diagnosed November and have my first surgery next week so I’ll play it by ear to see what help and suppprt I get. You are right that people will respond in different ways so I’ll just try and go with the flow and see how things work out. I guess I am learning to lower my expectations. I thought my daughter would be very active in supporting me but she’s not and I’m sure that’s because she’s finding it difficult rather than she doesn’t care. I will maybe try the suppprt line if I need to talk to someone because I don’t want to worry my elderly mother anymore than she is already and I have no other family. Plus my close friends all work so support for hospital appointments etc is tricky. 
realy appreciate you taking the time to reply. Take care. 

It does hurt when you feel abandoned.Things should be easier with my sister as yesterday I moved out of the family home I shared with mum.I hope things improve for you and that you have a good Christmas.Love Jane xx

Best wishes for your surgery xx

Hi Jane. I hope you will be very happy in your new place! Yes hopefully it will ease some tensions for you all. Hope you have a lovely Christmas. Take care. 

Thanks Kez,I’m in temporary accommodation but fingers crossed I can move into the house soon.I was in the last one nearly 28 years so it’s going to feel strange for a while.Take care love Jane xx