How do I care for a toddler while I undergo chemo?

Hi . I've just dropped by and noticed you've not yet had an answer to your post. I'm not sure any of the members on this group would be able to help so I would suggest it would be a good idea for you to ring the Macmillan Support Helpline (number is shown below) and ask their advice.

I'm sure others have had to deal with the same situation so I'm sure you'll get help there. I hope the Chemo goes well for you.

All the best, B xx

Hi, I am currently in the middle of chemo, I’ve had 4 rounds so far and I have a 2year old and a 4 month old baby. All I can say is that it will be difficult some days. I have my parents to help when I need them to. I would definitely have a back up plan if you can. Although you will start to see a pattern of when your worst days will be it is quite unpredictable in the beginning. I would say I’ve only had a few days so far when I absolutely couldn’t have looked after the children. 
Try to think of some easy activities you can pull out when you aren’t feeling well and if all else fails don’t feel too guilty if your little one has a day or two of watching tv all day. Good luck x

This is good to know. I have a 12 year old and an 8 month old and due to start Chemo in September. So same concerns really. 

This is great to know. Thank you for your response and good luck with the rest of your treatment too x

Thank you Mrs BJH. I have an oncologist appointment but will definitely ring if I don’t get the information I need x

Hi, I’m messaging years after the original thread as my wife is going through the same thing and we have a 2 year old.  It can be tough but I did a lot of internet scouring and we’re about halfway through chemo now (3 weekly cycles) and I think we have a system working so hope this is useful for someone. 

having a toddler has ups and downs. Certainly it is harder to rest but also they love you and are often the strength often to get through all the hard stuff.  Also they don’t care about hair loss and stupid stuff like that, they just carry on as normal which sometimes forces you to do so too. And they’re the reason you’re doing this!

Typically for my wife, chemo is a three week cycle.  One week feeling rough, one week recovering but risk of infection due to neutropaenia and finally a normal-ish week. I moved my work around a lot so I could be on hand for childcare the first week and wifey could just do as little or as much as she wants.  I’d try and have our little guy around so she could have a cuddle or watch tv on the sofa, just the little things that help her stay motivated but don’t take much energy.  More tv for sure but don’t feel bad about it.  However nappies, tantrums etc are all my domain while she’s feeling ill, he’s would literally have as much or as little time with mum as she felt able to do. I should say that I do shift work and my work place and colleagues were incredibly accommodating in moving my shifts so I could be around for the bad times in the scheme cycle. It also gets easier after the first cycle as you know what is coming some more. 

second week is often the variable week, somewhat better but we tended to do family days out and avoid mixing with lots of people because of the infection risk. Small things, trips to the park, to the seaside, to a coffee shop . Happiness is in these little things especially if the sun is out Lots of time outside and in nature (it’s our summer currently) but also not too ambitious so we’d usually drive, do a walk that you can turn back anytime and again I’d try to focus on her just enjoying our family and not worrying about the little one.

finally the third week, she feels better.  I tended to do most of my work this week and she would look after him.  Sometimes the responsibility of caring for him would give her purpose so not always a bad thing . Again if I had a day off then try to do something as a family, try to get in lots of happy memories before the next chemo (again seaside, fish and chips, walking around pretty neighbouring towns etc).

other things we found helpful. Lots of people offer help but it’s often hard to work out what to ask for. We’d sort people into groups: baby sitters , meal makers or just people to spend time with when we’re low.  We also had a WhatsApp group so if there was a last minute issue eg we need babysitting so she can go to an appointment, we’d ping it on the group and friends/ family who were able would respond.  Some people can’t do the baby sitting but making us a homemade lasagna would be a lifesaver in the busy hard weeks.  We were lucky that our house could am accommodate immediate family so the rough days, her dad and brother came who would do cooking etc. some people were amazing eg our baby group lead offered to take our toddler along on her own, our neighbour house sitter while our toddler napped so we could go to a hospital appointment, another neighbour drove her in while a friend drove her back from the hospital. It is good to ration people out: my mum would have done everything but we didn’t want to exhaust her so tried to ask friends first and then if no solution came up, we would ask her to help.  People want to help but understandably have their own commitments so planning ahead and messaging in advance was key.  

we gave up on anything ambitious, no holidays, just lots of time at home and in the local area. But maybe it helped us appreciate what we had even more - happiness is made up of cups of tea, birdsong and sun on your face and all these things can be found at home. And when it’s a bad day, tv or sitting in a comfy bed can all be done with a toddler too.  Not that it isn’t trying or the easiest always but hope that helps.  

Hi i agree. I dont have young children but our adult daughter and 17 month old grsndson lives with us. Im due to have chemo number 5 out of six next week. I was terified in the beginning of catching infections from him. And both he and my husband had infections during that first cycle. I got a sore thrist went to drs abd was given antibioticd, it sorted everything out and i was fine. 

I sit and feed him nurse hug him all things id usually do but if he has runny bose cough etc i stop doing it for a gew days. I wash my hands constantly and just make sure if i feel a cold or sore throat coming on i get checked out.

I hope you and your family are well l

Take care 

Amanda xx