I suppose I'm a carer now

Hi TimeEnough welcome to the forum and so very sorry to hear what is happening for you right now. This mass may yet turn out to be something that is treatable and recoverable from.

How will you do this? You will look at that beautiful girl, and you will remember the vows you made to each other all those years ago,and you will remember that she is still the same person but may need to you to help her more than before but this may be for a short time until she is well enough to do things for herself.   

You will be strong, but you are allowed to have off days and you may have these but that's ok. Please do keep in touch with us all as we will be thinking of you both. Hold on to each other tightly and exchange plenty of hugs as hugs are known to make the world seem so much better.  xx

Thanks, that helped a lot.

Still waiting to get an appointment for more tests. Trying to be strong.

Hi TimeEnough, I find there are days when I sort of manage and then are the days when practicality comes first and everything fits into place; but the waiting is always hard. We're currently waiting for my husband's latest test results and I will be happier once we know. I hope you get an appointment soon.

Biopsy appointment Thursday. At least we will know.

Hi TimeEnough, I'll be thinking of you.

Hi TimeEnough it comes as a shock to us all when we find ourselves in this situation. That beautiful woman you fell in love with is going to need you all the more and your love for her will mean you will find the strength to be her best supporter. It is times like 5his we find an inner strength. There will be times when you feel you can’t cope and times when you feel able to take on anything thrown at you. My advice would be to take any support offered and take care of yourself too x

Thanks, that helps. I've just taken her for the biopsy and we are waiting for the results.

Well, now we know. It's a whacking great ovarian cancer. It looks as if it might be susceptible to chemotherapy, and she is starting treatment on Thursday.

Oddly the brain clicks over into another state. This feels like an episode years ago when I did something really stupid with a small aeroplane and ended up in low cloud over high ground in Cornwall. Suddenly I said "You simply don't have time to panic. You've got to put everything you've got into getting this thing on the ground safely." Twenty minutes later I touched down at Plymouth.

The same seems to be happening now. The things I will need are on rush order from Amazon. The food she needs is on priority slot order from Tesco. I've slid into that precise and efficient state where the case detaches from my personal feelings and I am doing the right things with the logical accuracy of Mr Spock.

If i really think about it I cry my eyes out, which does nobody any good. I hope I'm winning.

Oh My. Good that you know, and, as you say, everything can click into place now. Love the Mr Spock analogy; yes, it's so like that when the pragmatic side kicks in. Ups and downs are inevitable, but now, be proud of how you are handling things.

Big hugs, LoobyLou