Happening too quickly

Hello. My husband is 51. We have been together since the age of 16, 35 years and married 27 years. He was absolutely fine in October, went to the GP in November with an upset stomach. On 20.12.19 a camera found stomach cancer. He had a CT scan on 27.12.19 and yesterday we were told he has stomach cancer that has spread to his stomach cavity and liver and there is nothing they can do to treat it. He’s unlikely to even be able to have chemotherapy as his liver is too damaged.  Palliative care only and he’s lookIng at months not years. I just cannot believe this. It’s happening too quickly.  I took him in a wheelchair today for a blood transfusion and iron infusion.  We are due to see an oncologist soon to hear more details about any treatment options and timeframes. What do I need to ask the oncologist?

  • Hi poppy

    This story sounds all to similar to my mums.

    My mum is 58, in July my mum went to the doctors because she was feeling unwell constipated, upset tummy etc fast foward a week she was in hospital having an emergency operation to giver her a stoma, she was in intensive care for 3 days. They discovered she had a tumor on her bowl obstructing her movements etc. The tumor is situated in a very awkward location so was unable to remove this. A looonggg process of her recovery. Fast foward to results she has stage 4 cancer. It's bowel and she has lesions on her liver and lung. As you can imagen I thought the worst. The wait for the oncologist was painful. However my mum has been given chemo, she's had arouns 120 hours so far. She has a scan in a few weeks to see what's been happening to her body whilst taking chemo. In ans our of hospital with infections etc but she's so strong and she's here and everyone has been amazing and we can never give up.

    My advice is just listen to the oncologist, the hospital told us that is was inoperable etc we believed that was it... After we met the oncologist everything changed there is always chemo palliative could be long term months or years even. 

    Just stay positive and take everything day by day. 

    My mum was offered a clinical trial, like I said I believed that when we heard this devastating news.. Cancer we thought that's it. I promise you it's not! Keep strong

    Thinking of you and your husband 

    Sarah x

  • My husband was 60. He had stage 4 lung cancer. He was well at the beginning of September, a change of tablets caused him to cough up blood and as you say a whirlwind of tests and bang he has cancer! It sounds like you have had a couple of weeks to think a bit. We didn't. It was straight to oncologist, a few blips with incorrect diagnosis and then we will do palliative chemo! No time to think, ask as many questions as you want to and get answers, the oncologist was irritated by me because I kept asking. I don't think I got the answers! I am a nurse! Ric opted for palliative chemo as it was supposed to buy him time and make his symptoms better. I can't say it did and I personally would have preferred more quality time with him. As it was we had 3 months of endless stress, illness and appointments. He never got to do much if his bucket list except we had our wedding anniversary on 23/12 and our Christmas together. He died suddenly on the 28/12. I say goodbye tomorrow. 

    I would advise you both to discuss the options and ask for a few days to think. If you go for palliative care only, try and make some plans, we never got around to it as we thought the first scan would indicate our next actions. As Ric died suddenly, consider a DNR as that part was not nice to watch either! Ric found it hard to discuss the cancer, I needed to talk and I would advise you to try and get your husband's view point too. It is a tough journey. I am thankful in some ways we didn't do the end as such but I hope you have time to tell him all that you want to and get the help you need.

    Take care of you both xxx

  • Thank you for your advice. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope tomorrow goes smoothly for you, what an absolutely awful experience you have had.  Xx

  • Thank you. I am sat here waiting!! Feels strange. 

    I do hope you get a good experience and plenty of help. We are donating to Macmillan but I will be specifying that the money goes to help carers x