Carers only

Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

Mum going into residential care - feeling guilty

Posted by

My mum has lung cancer that was treated with Pembro, she is off treatment now but her cancer is stable. Unfortunately, she has other health problems and the burden of her care has now got too much for me. I've been looking after her for two years now on my own, I have bad anxiety and depression and only manage to work a part time cleaning job (I used to be a research scientist). I feel broken and I know I can't do this anymore but the guilt of this is just awful.

My mum has dementia like symptoms and she has started leaving the house and wandering around outside in the middle of the night. I don't and can't live with her (she has a one bed so I have to sleep on sofa) but I go to her house for 4 hours per day to help. Her recent problems prompted me to start the process of having her assessed for care. She's devastated and blames me for taking her life away from her. It's heart breaking to see her like this and I hate myself for doing this. It's so hard :(


Posted by

I do really feel for you.Being a carer is tough enough but when you have your own health worries it's so much harder.Your post really struck a chord with me.My mother had an aneurysm followed by a brain haemorrhage in 2004 and I have cared for on my own since then.In July I was diagnosed with bladder cancer and mum has been a care home since May as I have been unable to care for her.Mum is showing some signs of dementia in recent years,she gets very agitated,anxious and tearful.I feel so guilty as I know she is very lonely and homesick in the home.Everytime I see her she says she just wants to come home and clings on to me when I'm leaving.I had major surgery 2 months ago and recovery is very slow.Do you have any supportive family or friends ? In getting your mum assessed for care you have thought about her safety and wellbeing and your own health and that is so important.Love and best wishes Jane XX