Carers only

Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

Don't know who to turn to........

Posted by

Hi, this is my first ever post .....anywhere!

My poor mum is 81 and  has been through so much! Breast cancer, bowel cancer, thyroid cancer and now its back and spread to her liver and ribs. She came out of hospital a week ago after having pneumonia, and is staying with me, but all she does is sleep. She wasnt like this in hospital!? She is in a lot of pain, and I do hear her talking to people that arent there when she is laying in bed. She also has fluid in her lungs and abdomen. I'm off work at the moment (stress) to look after her, but Im going to have to go back at some point! My husband works all hours so I hardly see him and Ive got an 11 and 13 year old kids .

She is due to start palliative chemo next week, so is going to decline even more, as she is so weak. I need help! But we've not been told of anything? Ive heard people have nurses and carers come in, as mum has no savings this would be hard! I need help but just dont know where to start!  

Thank you, Nicky x

Posted by

Hi Nicky 

Welcome to the online community and especially to the Carers only group where you find all the members are very friendly and really supportive towards each other.

This is a place that no one ever expects to land up and we are sorry that your circumstances have brought you to us, but now that you here you can come here to ask questions but it's also a safe place you are come on at any time for a chat, have a rant and rave or just let off steam about anything that is bothering you at the time, be assured that no one will ever judge you but will lend you a sympathetic ear to listen to you.

Well done on making your first ever post, the first of many I hope!

But you asked about support for you mum and your first place to go to is your mums GP as they can make referrals to support agencies, nurses and carers to look after your mother.

The GP can maybe arrange for care from a Macmillan nurse depending on the area you live in and availability, similar care can be obtained from Marie Curie, be sure to ask for all the help you need I'm afraid it's a case of if you don't ask, no one volunteers the information

However you can start making approaches to the local County Council Adult Social Care Team who will do an assessment to ascertain what support she needs and make suggestions

The assessment is call Needs Assessment 

You can also arrange for a Carers Assessment for yourself.

These assessments are free and each council is legally obliged to carry them out.

The assessment involves a social worker coming to your mums home and asking questions about how she manages at home and completes the assessment, the carers assessment is very similar but everything is on how you are coping. Both assessments can take place at the same time.

This may help

Social care and support guide

We may have some volunteers that could come and help you, information can be found here Macmillans in your area

At the assessment the social worker may suggest applying for Attendance Allowance this is not means tested, but an entitlement and it's not charity it's a sum of money to help pay for things for things she needs and go towards having a carer. It is paid at two levels depending how much carer your mum requires.

Another organisation that might be able to offer assistance AgeUK befriending service some of the services they offer are paid for but many are not and they are really helpful in helping to complete application forms such as for Attendance Allowance.

Macmillans and Citizens advice can also help with firm filling.

This also might be of interest.

Looking after someone with cancer

You mention about your mum receiving palliative chemo next week and you are concerned about how she will react to it and you expect her to decline even more have you done anything about Hospice Care, many think of this as End of Life care but in can start at anytime, the link tells you all about it and how to go about getting care.

I hope that this of help to you, please don't hesitate to come back and ask for further information, the members of this group are very knowledgeable on many things mainly because they are already walking the path your journey is about to take you


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Posted by

Thank you so much! This is loads for me to be looking into, 

Take care

Nicky x